Till The End
by Writing Memories
Summary: Where do you run too when you don't know what your running from? In a safe house, the brothers and Cas hide from the Angels and Demons trying to find them and take Cas away after he escaped from them. Escaped from them clearing a memory of his. The only way they can ever find out what the memory is too fight. Between it all Dean tells Cas three little words. How will it all end?


They will be safe here.

They had to be. It is a safe house after all. But then again they are Castiel, Dean and Sam Winchester.

Were they ever safe?

The reason why they were in this safe house? Demons for a one thing. But then again when did they ever run and not fight them. No, this time was different, it was Castiel and the Winchesters standing by his side. The angels and demons wanted Castiel because he knew something that he wasn't going to let happen. Why? Because they were Demons with the Angels, planning to do it together. Two, because if it happened it could tear everything apart.

He had gotten pulled back to heaven when the angels found out he wouldn't let it happen. Then they had wiped that memory from him and taken away most of his powers, but Castiel managed to escaped. And that brings them, Castiel and the Winchesters, here. Hiding, because honestly, they didn't have a clue what to do.

They were protecting Cas. Staying as hidden as they could. The Demons were ready to kill Cas. The Angles were looking for him to get him on their side and if they don't succeed, the Angels may as well be called demons because they are ready to kill their brother before he can stop what they're planning to do.

Until Cas remembers, if he remembers, they will stay hidden. Sam and Dean will get killed too if they're spotted. The brothers would not let Cas die. He is like a brother to Sam, the second closest person to him and he has already lost too many people he loves, to lose another one. And Dean, he's Dean's world along with Sammy and he would die for them both no matter what, no matter what it would take.

It had been two days since they came here. They're ready for the Angels and Demons. They can't get in but it doesn't mean they are not outside. Sam was sure they won't be found here. No one had lived here for years. It's in the middle of a forest.

Bobby had known about the place for half of his life and he'd sworn anybody who had been hiding there, had never been found.

The small town a few miles from them doesn't have many people. Maybe they are hiding too, or maybe it's just their home.

The house was big enough for them. A living room and a kitchen combined. Two bedrooms and a bathroom. And then the basement, bigger than all the rooms put together.

And the thing is that this place really felt like home. Maybe it was because it was safe or maybe because they felt like Bobby was still protecting them, saving them, helping them.

"Hey, buddy. What you doing?" Dean asked. Cas was standing at the front door not looking at anything, really just listening to the silence. Cas didn't answer. Dean stood beside him and looked at the direction Cas was looking. Dean knew he shouldn't feel safe standing outside the house, but Cas was here, so it was okay. Dean didn't say anything more. He just looked at Cas and thought of how quiet Cas had been since they'd ran, and driven here. What was going on in that head of his? _Blame_ for one. The look on Cas' face all the time could say more than the words spoken out of his mouth.

'_I love you'_ is what was written all over Dean's face, but Cas, being Cas, wasn't able to see that. Dean wasn't able to see it either.

"Your mind is probably like a maze, right? Trying to find a way out, but you keep getting lost. And that's okay because no matter what, no matter how this ends, we will get out and leave that maze behind."

Whether or not Cas was listening, Dean felt better for saying it. It was better than having it in his mind, when it could be spoken out loud and Cas might be listening.

"I'm making homemade burgers. I know it's not going to make this better, but I'll do anything for you. No matter how big or small. You're my Cas aren't you." Since he pulled Dean from hell, yes he was his. But for the past half a year they have been together. Ups and downs. Fights and make ups. Just like any other couple.

Cas is in Dean's arms just before Dean was about to move. Dean's heart was breaking. Cas had hardly said two words to him or Sam since they'd gotten here. He had just stayed as far as he could from both of them. He felt guilty to be around them.

Cas held onto Dean like it was the last time he will have the chance to do so. Because to him, it could be any second and everything would be gone. And Dean, he hugged him tightly because he loved him. Because just like Cas, he didn't know when the last time would come when they would be wrapped up in each other's arms.

"I'm _sorry_, Dean. I wish…I wish I could remember. I'm sorry." Castiel's voice was cracking. Dean knew he can't make him feel better quickly, if at all. None of this would just go away. The only way they could find out this secret, the angel's plan, was if Cas remembered, it was the safest way. Any other way they would have to hunt down the Demons and the Angels and that could make them all end up dead. Just _one demon_, just _one angel_, and everything would blow up, no matter how careful they would be about it.

"No, don't be. It's not your fault. Demons and Angels _suck_." Dean paused "Well, there is one angel who doesn't suck that badly, I guess." Dean smiled into Cas' neck. He couldn't tell if Cas smiled back but the hug tightened, letting Dean know Cas heard. Dean saying that meant something to Cas.

Dean gave Cas a lingering kiss on his cheek before heading back inside, leaving Cas to his thoughts again. Dean had learned over the past few months that Cas liked being on his own for a bit when he was lost in his thoughts or upset. Only _this time_, he knew that Dean wasn't blaming him.

* * *

Cas is sitting at the kitchen table with Sam and Dean. Dean had made his burgers and Sam was already on his second one. Dean was nearly finished with his first. And Cas, Cas stared down at a spot on the table. He had been doing that for the last five minutes. Sam had noticed too, but he knew when to leave Cas alone. So did Dean but it didn't stop him from staring. Sam looked at Dean, saw his eyes on Cas and kicked him gently under the table. Dean didn't make a sound, his eyes just moved from Cas to Sam.

_Leave him be_ Sam mouths.

It was hard for Sam too to see Cas like this. Cas was his best friend. Seeing Cas, a strong angel who's fighting all the time, sitting here with them, torn, broken, falling and blaming himself. What could they do though? It was Cas. The only thing that would make him the old Cas again was if he could remember, remember what was taken from his memory and to fight. Fight whatever it was. Fight so they could stop hiding.

They didn't have a clue what way Cas would go. He could break at any second. He could run from them. They didn't know how to deal with this. This wasn't like anything that had happened before.

Cas had most of his powers taken from him. Eventually they will all be gone, and if years go by like this, Cas won't be an angel anymore and Dean had seen how that could turn out. Different circumstances, but the same thing. Every second he was losing himself, becoming less of an Angel. It wasn't going to end this way. They would find a way out. Now the question was, how could they do it without dying?

Dean cleared his throat before speaking. "Hey Cas, you don't have to eat that. I'm sure Sam will."

"It's…it's not that I don't like it…it's just-" Cas said. Dean cut him off. He could see even more guilt on Castiel's face.

"No, it's okay. I'm not mad." Dean gave a little smile at him as Cas looked at him. Cas didn't return it, he just nodded. Sam looked down to his burger on his plate. He felt like he was interrupting something, even though he wasn't.

"May I be excused?" Cas' voice is small. He didn't look at Dean when he asked.

"Yeah, bud." With that Cas is up and heading out of the kitchen.

It was weird for Dean and Sam to see Castiel out of that trench coat and suit jacket. The tie was loose on him. He still wore the white shirt and the suit trousers. He shut the door behind him. Dean listened and he heard the front door open and close. Silence lead after that. Neither Dean nor Sam spoke anything. Words sat in the back of Sam's throat. He didn't know whether to say something or not. The worse that could happen was that Dean would get mad, and Sam's seen Dean mad enough times to be used to it.

"We will get back the old Cas. It's just going to take time."

"How much time though, Sammy? It's only been two days and look at him." Dean pulled his concerned eyes away from the door to Sam. "He's already that broken. I don't know how he will get through this. He can't remember and he feels so guilty being near us. I have seen the way he might go. I will die so he can find out what he can't remember before he's so broken we can't get him back." Dean wasn't mad, not at Sam or Cas anyway.

"He can't remember. And if we try to get the information out of the demons or angels, we are dead. All three of us. No matter what kind of a plan we have, Dean, it's not going to work." Sam wished he didn't have to say the truth, but Dean knew it too. They only just got away from the angels and the demons trying to tear them apart. The angels and the demons were trying to kill them and that was the only thing they knew. But why? Why had the angels and the demons teamed up, there had to be something massive for that to happen. So massive that they cleared Cas' memory of it before he could tell anyone. So massive they were willing to kill Cas before he could tell anyone. And whether the brothers were involved in this, less or more, it had everything to do with them now when they were trying to kill Cas. So now the Winchesters played a big part in this.

"There has to be something! We can't just live here until we die. And if we die, Cas will be on his own or he's going to die soon if _this_ carries on."

"Dean, if we fight them, we die. And then we will never know."

"We aren't going to find out by sitting here either, Sammy. I don't know what to do. But I know I can't see Cas break." Dean was holding back any tears that were trying to break through. He was not going to cry. He was not breaking.

"And you think I can? He's like a brother to me. I am doing as much as you are, Dean. So don't pretend like you are the only one that cares. I care. I would rather live here for the rest of my life if it meant I still had you both. I'd rather die with you two than without you. So don't, Dean, don't you dare make it out like I don't care." Sam was pissed. He had every right to be. Dean forgot sometimes that he cared a lot for Cas too. Sam got up from his seat, opening the door and slamming it shut. Dean could hear the footsteps down the hallway, then the closing of a door.

He closed his eyes tightly, letting out a shaky breath. "_Shit_."

So his brother was pissed at him. His boyfriend won't talk to him. And he was stuck in a house, with nearly absolutely nothing to do. _Great_. He could go into town, but it was getting dark and he wasn't in the mood for any jackass Angels and Demons.

* * *

Dean had fallen asleep two hours ago. When he woke up in the living room, no one was there and it was dark outside. He got up and went outside to get Cas but he wasn't there. Dean looked around before going back inside. He was not going to start panicking, yet.

"Cas!" Dean shouted inside the house. He got no reply. He checked his room and the bathroom. He was just coming out of the bathroom when Sam was coming out of his room.

"Dean, what's wrong?" Sam must have dozed off too, because he was in his night clothes and was rubbing his eyes.

"It's Cas, I don't know where he is. _Fuck_!" Dean opened the door to the basement, and ran down the stairs. "Cas! Cas! Answer me!" No answer. Dean sprints back up the stairs. He gets his Angel and Demon knifes out of the cupboard.

"Dean, calm down. He has to-"

"I looked. The son of a bitch. Where is he?" Dean is holding back the tears. He can feel the anger inside him, the angry for these bastards if they had taken Cas. "I fell asleep. It's my fault if he's gone. I should have been looking after him." Dean pushed past Sam and out of the door. Sam followed him. Dean was already in the forest.

"Castiel! Cas!" Dean was wandering into the forest shouting for, Cas. He was sure they had taken him. He would have been here if they hadn't. What if he ran away? What if he just left on his own? It's something Cas would do.

_Stupid, son of a-_

"_Dean_!" He heard Sam calling his name over and over again. Dean looked around him, seeing he hadn't got a clue what direction he had gone. He saw the light coming from the house to bring him back. He ran back as fast as he could. It was dark and he should not be out of the house right now, none of them should. Cas should have known better. Where was he?

A few running steps more and Dean was out of the trees and saw Cas beside Sam. He let a massive sigh of relief before he walked fast towards them, his eyes on Cas.

"Where were you? What were you thinking you? I thought you were gone!" This time Dean was not able to hold back the tears. He was nearly beside them. "I thought those bastards had you. Don't you ever do that again, Castiel." Dean didn't care how guilty Castiel looked right now. _He deserved that_, Dean thought. He needed to know he can't do that to them.

"He's okay. He was just in the shed, Dean." Sam pated Cas on the back before going back inside. Sam had just stepped inside when Dean was standing in front of Cas.

"I'm…I'm sorry." Cas looked anywhere but Dean.

"Stop being sorry and start listening to us." Dean dropped the two knifes beside them. "Please, Cas, I-I need you. Whatever you are right now Cas. It's s-still you. We are going to get out of this. I just…I _need_ you here. Please, p-please hear me, Cas." Cas nodded his head slowly and forced a little smile.

"I'm here, Dean." Cas whispered. Dean is usually the first one to hug Cas, though they don't do that much. But Cas was the one this time, he took a step towards Dean for the second time today and held Dean in his arms. It was a new thing for Cas. When he doesn't know what to say, he hugs instead. Dean put one arm around Cas' back and the other against the side of Cas' head. He lay the side of his head against Cas'. The tears fell down Dean's cheeks and onto Cas' shirt. Cas looked out into the trees in front of him. It was pure darkness. It didn't scare him, but what could be lurking in there did. It scared him a bit more every day, though he won't admit that. It was why he came out here. Even when it was not dark, he looked at them, trying to make it seem less scary. He was Cas, Cas who was never afraid of anything, now he was turning into a different version of himself, and he was not going to let that happen. He will make himself unafraid again. He will protect Sam and Dean. He will find out what the Angels and Demons are up to. And he will do what he has to.

* * *

Cas sat on Dean's bed as he watched Dean pull stuff out of his bag. Dean hadn't unpacked anything more than the clothes he needed and a toothbrush. He took out a black hoodie and a grey pair of tracksuit bottoms for Cas. Dean just thought he needed to be in something more comfortable, even though it didn't bother, Cas.

"Come on, you. Get these on." Dean held the clothes in his hands and walked over to Cas and stood in front of him, putting the clothes beside Cas.

"I don't need-"

"Don't argue with me. Do it for me. Wear something that actually looks comfortable." Dean started to undo Cas' tie. Cas didn't say anything, he just looked up to Dean. Dean pulled off the tie and threw it on the bed. He started to unbutton Cas' shirt. "Could you please not look at me like that? It's a little distracting." Dean chuckled as he glanced at Cas' eyes for a second. A little smile appeared on Cas' face for a second. And Dean thought he had imagined it. Dean pulled off the shirt and onto the bed it went. He grabbed the hoodie.

"Arms up." Cas did so and Dean pulled the hoodie over him. "Alright, you think you can put on the tracksuit bottoms yourself while I go talk to Sammy for a second?" Cas nodded and picked up the tracksuit bottoms.

"Think you guys could keep it down tonight if you two decide to-"

"Sam! I came down to talk to you about going into town tomorrow to get food and somehow you turn it into Cas and I in the same bed." Dean turned away from Sam in the kitchen to fill a glass with water at the sink.

"I'm just saying. Keep it-"

"Sam, drop it. You are fine. Nothing's going to happen. So you don't have to cover your ears." Dean said it so certainly that something popped into his head.

"Wait, have you two never-"

"Stop! It's none of your business." Dean was still standing at the sink waiting for the water to get a bit colder. "And so what? It's not like we are like any other couple. You know with the whole angel trying to save the world, and blah, blah, blah." Dean started to fill up his glass.

"I'm just surprised. But yes, that would put a damper on things." Sam leaned against the kitchen counter as he watched Dean stand at the sink, the glass overflowing with water. "So, when are you going to tell him you love him?" That brought Dean back to this moment. He turned off the tap, put the glass onto the counter and got a towel from the railing.

"What would it change? Would it even matter if I said it?" Dean said. He started to dry the outside of his glass.

"You two. It would change _you two_. And yes. Of course it would matter. You both might not be like any other couple but the words _I love you_ still mean the same."

"We aren't going to live happily ever after. There _is no_ happy ending for us." Dean had always known that. He'd known that since he was a kid. Whoever he loved, there was no happy ending for them.

"Is there a happy ending for anyone?" Sam asked. Dean put the towel back on the railing.

"No, but unlike them, Cas and I are not going to end up dead together. I won't go to heaven. I will die, and he will keep living and I am not going there." Dean picked up his glass. "Night, Sammy." Dean walked out of the door before Sam could speak another word.

_Yes you are,_ Sam thinks to himself.

Dean walked back into his room where Cas was standing at the dresser, holding a picture in his hand. Cas didn't move or put it down when Dean walked in. Dean glanced over at Cas before walking over to the chair. Cas looked pretty good out of that suit and trench coat, in Dean's clothes. He looked younger. More fragile.

Dean finished putting on his night clothes. He threw on his other hoodie. It was really cold. _Well, it is winter after all_ he guessed. I was just their luck that this would happen at this time of the year and not during the summer. Dean walked over to stand beside Cas. When he did Cas spoke.

"She really is beautiful." Mary was sitting on a chair with Sammy in her arms and Dean beside her, laughing. John had taken the picture. Dean smiled at Cas for saying _is _and not _was._

"Yeah she is. I think Sammy looks like her the most. I got her personality in a way." Dean looked at his mum in the picture. Every time he did, he imagined for a second what would she say right now.

"Angels are watching over you. That's what she said to me every night. Well, maybe not angels, _just one_." Dean nudged Cas' shoulder with his own.

"Your mum has a lot of faith." Cas put the picture back onto the dresser.

"Mmm. I'm sure she would be a bit shocked if she found out that I am actually with an angel."

"I think she knows." Cas turned away from Dean and looked to the bed. "You know I won't sleep, right?"

"Yes. But there's no harm in resting your eyes."

Dean thought it might be a little struggle to get Cas to stay with him in bed, but it wasn't. Dean was lying on his back on his side of the bed, while Cas was on his side with his back turned to Dean. Dean was half asleep. It was like his body wouldn't let him fall asleep and he kept looking at Cas. Cas suddenly moved and turned his body towards Dean, letting his arm fall against Dean's side, his head on his chest. Dean wrapped his arms around Cas' back and in a few minutes, he was sound asleep. All it took was Cas being a little bit closer to him.

* * *

"_Cas, run! Cas!" Dean screamed as loud as he could. The demons were after him and Cas in the forest. There was too many of them. They won't be able to kill them all, so they ran. Ran anywhere._

_The safe house was in front of them. They ran inside of it and slammed the door closed behind them._

"_Sammy! Sam!" Dean shouted as he ran into the kitchen, trying to find him._

"_Dean!" His voice sounded close. He turned around to see Sam holding the Angel knife against Cas' back. Cas looked terrified. Sam's eyes turn black._

"_No, no, no, Sammy. Let him go. It's Cas." Dean plead to Sammy. "He's our family. Don't…don't hurt him."_

"_But Dean, I have to. It's the only way." Dean was looking straight into Cas' eyes. Why was Cas looking like he was about to give up. Like he was going to let Sam do this._

"_He dies and you and I, we can be free brother. He's not an angel. He belongs in hell." Sam was smirking, putting the knife deeper against Castiel's back._

"_Don't do this. You can't."_

"_Give me one good reason why not? Give me one reason why he should live. All Demons and Angels want him dead."_

"_I love him! Because I love him!" The giving up look Dean had seen on Cas' face disappeared and was replaced by hope and a smile as he looked towards Dean._

_Sam pushes the knife through Cas' back._

"_Cas!" Dean's voice broke. "Cas, no, no, no." Sam let go and Cas fell to the ground with a bang. His body face down, lifeless. "Caaas! Cas!"_

* * *

Dean can't get last night's dream out of his head. It's going around and around inside his head. He knows he should just let it go. Just let it fade to nothing. But he can't. It's so clear in his mind, that sometimes he thinks it is real, that Cas really is lying on the ground lifeless with his brother standing over him. Dean falling to his knees, hitting the ground so hard, it feels like his knees just broke, broke like his heart.

It wouldn't happen. So he tries to stop thinking about it.

Dean is sat at the table with his head lying on his folded arms on the table. A bottle of whiskey sits in front of him. He looks at it, deciding to drink or not to drink it. Would it help, would it not? He closes his eyes, trying to stop himself wanting a drink, it wouldn't solve _anything_. Unless he drank all the time, and he couldn't remember all this crap. But he knew he wouldn't do that, no matter how much he would want to. But right now a drink would be okay wouldn't it?

Sam is in town shopping for food. Dean made sure to tell Sammy to let him know if he wasn't back in an hour he would be ringing. Maybe this town really is safe, but they could and never would be sure. And Castiel, well he's somewhere, so he decides to unscrew the top off and takes a drink. The drink runs down his throat, it's warm, it feels good and bad at the same time.

Dean doesn't hear the door opening and the footsteps coming into the kitchen. Dean opens his eyes and looks down to the bottle sitting on the table that's sitting in his hands. The next second Cas is beside him looking down at Dean, he looks up. Cas' eyes flicker to the bottle and back to Dean. Dean is expecting Cas to give out to him, but he just takes the bottle out of Dean's hands and quickly takes a sip.

He nearly spits it back out, but manages to hold it down. Dean laughs at Cas' disgusted face. Cas sticks out his tongue from the taste. He picks up the lid and put's it back on the bottle, sitting it down on the kitchen counter. Cas gets himself a glass of water before joining Dean at the table.

"You don't need it, you know?" Cas said.

"No, but it helps in an unhealthy way." Dean mumbles and checks his phone. Nothing from Sammy. He's only been gone twenty minutes. "So how are you today?" Dean asks. He meets Cas' eyes that just look completely lost. Dean's surprised when Cas doesn't break eye contact.

"I don't know." Yes, Cas is lost. Those words just confirmed it. It was an honest _I don't know. _"Like I'm losing my memory." Cas meant it as a joke, but it didn't come out that way. It came out as cold and bitter.

"You know it's okay that you can't remember. Maybe remembering is worse than not knowing." Dean gets up from the table and reaches for the bottle of whiskey. Cas is up and standing in front of him now.

"Not when something can be done about it. Dean, you don't _need_ to forget. You, Sam and I need to remember _all _of it." Cas looks down between them to nothing. "No matter how much it hurts."

"I can't understand it. I can't understand how I haven't even lived half my life and I can't handle it, but _you_, _you_ keep going. How? _How, Cas_?" It's like Cas has the answer to keep going as Dean tries to read his face. Cas lifts his head back up.

"You have to understand, you have always been on earth. I, _well_, I have been in Heaven most of my life. And things weren't that bad until a couple of years ago, so I haven't lived with pain all my life. But, you have, Dean. You have gone through hell since you were four. _I_ haven't." Dean never thought of it that way. Never had the time, nor did it really ever cross his mind till now.

"What keeps you going _now_?" Cas looks at him like it should be more than obvious. Cas shakes his head with a little smile. He moves away from Dean and into the living room. He takes a seat on the couch and turns on the TV, seeing if anything interesting is on. Dean stares over at him.

"_Dude_, you didn't give me an answer."

Cas doesn't look away from the TV as he speaks. "Well, I don't answer stupid questions, Dean." Cas hadn't gotten out of his night clothes, Dean thought he is probably going to end up wearing them for years now. Cas' hair is more messy, hair sticking out of every direction and _yes_, Dean found it extremely hot.

Dean walks over to Cas and sits sideways on the couch. His left leg folded under his right. His left arm on the back of the couch. Cas sits facing the TV, his eyes still on it.

"It's not polite to stare, Dean."

"I do not ask stupid questions, thank-you-very-much. I just asked what keeps you going now?" Dean looked a bit insulted, but it wiped that away and waited for an answer.

"Saving people, Sam…" Cas turns his body sideways to face Dean. "And you." Dean opens his mouth slightly to say something, but nothing comes out. Dean see's something in Cas' eyes, something happy, nothing bad for those few seconds. "You knew that already. Dean I can't stop you drinking, but I want to help." Cas' words are starting to become mumbled in Dean's mind, but he could still here what he is saying. His eyes fall down to Cas' moving lips and back up to his eyes. Dean moves himself closer to Castiel on the couch. "Every time you want a drink, find me." Dean's hand wanders of his own leg and gently moving against the side of Cas' neck, his fingers wandering over the back of his neck. He can felt his heart getting faster and faster. "_Find me_, and that drink you want to take, kiss me instead." Dean's fingers dance up the back of Cas' warm neck and into his soft hair, his fingers getting lost in there. Dean starts to lean slowly into Cas, his eyes glancing back and forth to Cas' lips, his eyes and back again. "_Promise_ me." The words are a whisper; their lazy as Cas is falling more into the moment with every second passing by in a hurry.

"_I_ promise, Castiel." He meant it. Even being lost like this, he meant it. Cas leans in the rest of the way until his lips are on Dean's.

Eyes closed. Heart's racing. Breathing getting faster.

Weeks. It is weeks since they last kissed. It's not like they really had any time together much.

_Fourth._

The number of times they kissed. The first ever one. The second after when Cas saved Dean from a Demon about to kill him. The third when they got into a massive fight about Cas not trusting Dean and Sam with information. It was more of an angry kiss that turned into it meaning something before Sam walked in on them. And the forth, _this_ moment.

Dean had moved them around so Castiel's back is against the couch. Dean sitting on Cas' lap his legs either side of him. One hand still in Cas' hair and the other under his hoodie and resting on his side. Cas' hand's find their way up Dean's back. His head leans back further on the couch and Dean leans over a little more. His lips come away from Cas' and onto his neck. He kisses his way down Cas' neck and back up catching Cas' mouth. Dean moans into the kiss from the feeling of Cas' lips and his hands gently running up and down his back. It's not the only thing he can feel of Cas'. The tracksuit bottoms of Dean's make it noticeable. Dean looks down between them and smirks. Dean wearing jeans didn't make it quite as noticeable. He looks back up to Cas who just looks like he wants Dean kissing him again.

"Cas, do you…do you _want_ to go further than this? More than just kissing, just not sex, not yet." Dean felt a bit uneasy asking. He wanted to, yes. But maybe Cas didn't want too and with everything going on, would it feel right?

"Yes. But I can't promise I'll be any good. You know I've never…" Cas trailed of like he was ashamed.

"Don't, _okay_. You know that doesn't bother me and it shouldn't bother you either. And as off the being any good…good or not, it's with _you_, that is all I care about." Dean swore he felt Cas relax under him at his words. He nods his head. Cas pulls his hands out under Dean's T-shirt and starts to pull of Dean shirt, not taking his eyes of Dean as he does so. He pulls it off gently and lets it float to the floor. Dean kicks of his own shoes, nearly falling of Cas while doing it.

"Bedroom. Not here." Dean whispers before placing a kiss on Cas' mouth and gets up and holds out his hand for Cas who takes it. They head down the hallway. Once they get into the room Dean shuts the door, finding himself against the door in the next second, Cas' hands on his hips, pushing himself up against Dean who's hand is back on the back of Cas' neck and the other on his back. Their lips aren't touching, but their lips are so close.

There's times Dean thinks too much about him being with Cas, not believing how real it is, it being hard to process that there even is angels, let alone Dean actually being in a relationship with one. But then he looks at Cas and all he can think of is how he loves him. It can be as unreal or real as it wants to be, but either way the truth is he's in love with an angel called Castiel. So _why_ won't he say it? Say it out loud? Say it to, Cas?

"I-" Dean's cut off by the slam of the front door. Sam's home. Dean doesn't know whether to be mad at Sam interrupting them or relieved for what he was about to say. He lets his forehead fall to Cas', trying to slow down his heart racing. He runs his fingers throw Cas' hair. Cas brings one of his hands up to Dean's face, his fingers running over Dean's cheek. Dean leans slightly into the touch.

"Guys?!" Sam shouts from wherever he is in the house. "Either you just decided to stripe a bit Dean, or Cas had something to do with." Sam is in the living room then. They can hear him laughing.

* * *

"_Shit! Ow! Fuck it_!" Dean curses as a stick of sharp wood rips against his side, the nail attached to it breaking into his skin. He falls to the ground from tripping over his own feet and also with the pain in his side. Both of his hands are pushed against his side trying to ease the pain. _Stupid stick and it's nail. _Sam can go out for wood for the fire next time.

Ten minutes pass before he even attempts to get up from the ground. The pain shoots up him but he forces himself up and walks back to the house. He wasn't going to lie out here in pity and pain till it got pitch dark and having god knows what appear and try to kill him.

It would usually take two minutes to get back to the house from where they got wood, but it takes just over ten minutes. Dean is surprised of how much it hurts him seeing as he had been in much, _much_ worse pain plenty of times before.

He opens the door to the house, letting it slowly close itself and walks into the kitchen.

"Sammy, next t-time you can get t-the wood. It attacked me." Castiel and Sam are sat at the table. Sam with his laptop on in front of him and Cas looking through a book. They both look up to see Dean walking to the couch and holding onto his side. They can see the blood coming through his shirt.

"Dean, what happened?" Sam is up fast and sitting beside Dean on the couch, pulling Dean's hands away and lifting up his shirt to see. It's not bad, but still looks painful. It ripped through Dean's skin deep enough, the nail adding another deep cut.

It takes Cas a few seconds before he is up and kneeling down in front of Dean, his eyes on Dean's side.

"I tripped o-over my own feet and I had a lot of sticks standing up against…the wall and the one on the e-edge just got in the way. There was a nail in it to." Dean closes his eyes tight, the pain even more painful when Sam put his hand on it.

"Christ, Dean. I'll get the kit. Cas, see if you can heal that, it's okay if you can't, _okay_?" Sam had to let Cas know it's okay if he can't. That if he couldn't it would be fine. That it's not a life and dead situation. That Dean would be okay.

Cas gives a little nod, replacing his hand with Sam's on Dean's t-shirt when Sam goes to get the kit full of everything to patch him back up.

"I-Im not as clumsy in bed. Promise." Dean jokes, but Castiel doesn't laugh. "Cas?"

Cas puts his other hand over Dean's side, trying to get the strength to heal, Dean. He can't. There isn't enough power there. His power isn't there to heal this, to heal, Dean. To put him out of pain, no matter how small.

"Dean…I-I can't. I'm so sorry." Cas looks up to meet Dean's eyes that are staring back at him with a little smile, the rest of his face in pain. Dean can see that guilt coming back stronger than ever over Cas' face. He is going to blame himself even more now, over something small and silly. Though to Cas it's feeling unless and blaming himself.

"You and Sam, you…you shouldn't have come for me. It's all my fault." There's tears forming in his eyes. Dean had never seen Cas cry. He didn't want him to cry.

"_Cas_," Dean pushed himself up with his left hand, leaning closer to Castiel. Cas' hand is still on Dean's side. Cas pulls his eyes away from Dean's and back to his side. He needed to make Dean better. Dean puts his fingers under Cas' chin and rises his chin up, being face to face with Dean. Cas won't look at him. "Look at me, _please_." Cas closes his eyes tightly, tears falling down his cheeks. He lets out a sob, shaking his head.

Sam is standing at the door looking over at them both. He steps back to hide more against the wall so they wouldn't see him. He didn't want Cas to blame himself. How is it his fault? No one knows why this is happening. Whatever bad happens, Cas blames himself instantly. Sam looks down to the kit in his hand, wanting to go in and patch Dean back up. But he wants Dean to make Cas stop blaming himself and if anyone could do it, it's Dean.

Cas holds onto Dean's wrist, where Dean's hand is against his cheek. His eyes are still closed, shaking his head.

"How c-can you blame yourself? None of this, Cas, none of it…is your fault. What the Angels and Demons are doing, whatever they are planning and it's not your fault. Nor is me falling and hurting my side. You have to forgive yourself…for everything. I know…I know how it feels, Cas." Dean doesn't take his eyes of Cas' closed one's. He can get through to Cas, he knows he can. "I blamed myself for my dad dying. When Sammy died. When Ellen and Jo died. And it…it ripped me apart. And then I know they wouldn't blame me, they would forgive me. And this…this is just going to rip you apart, Cas. Let it go and forgive yourself because everyone else has that matters to you." Cas slowly opens his eyes and looks to Dean's. Dean is trying his best not to break down now, but every second Cas is broken, he's breaking with him. _I'm sorry _is all Dean can see in those eyes.

"Why w-would they?" Cas' voice cracks as more tears fall slowly down his cheeks and onto Dean's hand and jeans.

"Because they love you. And we forgive the one's we love. S-so it's okay; it's alright what has happen because…you're forgiven. Everyone that's sorry_, really_ sorry, is forgiven because they really want to be. And it's harder to forgive yourself, when you're the one who has to be forgiven." Dean pushes back the pain in his side, it's not important to him right now. The man on front of him falling is. He brings his other hand to the left side of Cas' neck and rests it on Cas' shoulder.

"I can't…I just can't forgive myself."

"Yes, _you_ can. The past can't be changed, the only thing that can be is moving on. Moving on with forgiveness, not just from them, but from yourself. Let go, walk forward, and _fight_ with me."

"What if I…I can't?" It hurt Castiel to say it, but he had to. He knew he might not be strong enough.

"Then I will stay." A tear escapes Dean's eye and falls onto Cas' hand. "I'll stay until you can."

"_Why_? Why would y-you do t-that?"

"Well, because," Dean's heart races, his side pounding, his mind waiting for him to speak the words.

Sam knows what's coming. _At last_, he thinks with a smile on his face.

Dean let's his forehead fall against Castiels and looks straight into his eyes. He lets out a little chuckle. A smile appears on his face. "I love you. I love you, Cas."

Cas feels like his heart is after stopping. It's one thing to be with Dean, it's another to be told that he loves you. He has wanted to say it to Dean for a long time, even before they got together, but Cas never could, not because he didn't want to, but because he never wanted to lose Dean by speaking those three words. Now it's Dean saying it first.

It's the biggest breathe Dean has ever let out. The amount of times he got killed and survived could not be as big of a relief as finally telling Cas he loves him. It's scary. It's scary as hell because he's never loved anyone as much as he loves, Cas.

"I-I wasn't meant to fall for anyone, Dean. Especially a human…especially, _you_. But I did. But more than t-that…I never expected t-to have you. For _you_ to love me." Cas wipes the tears away from his cheeks. And he smile. "I've _always_ loved you too." Cas doesn't get a second to catch his breath after speaking because Dean's lips are on his. Cas let's his hand go from Dean's arm and back down to his side, careful not to hurt, Dean. It is a bit hard when all Cas wants to do pull him in closer to him.

Cas felt that familiar feeling in his arm, running through it and into his hand. Dean moans as he feels the pain in his side. They pull away from the kiss and both look to Dean's side. That familiar light glowing from Cas' hand and onto Dean's side. They're both speechless as they watch. Dean moans a little as his side heals. It's quick and over in a few seconds. The glow fades out and the feeling goes out of Cas' hand. He pulls up Dean's shirt and his side is healed. No scars, just blood.

"_What…the…hell_?" Dean looks from his side to Cas' confused eyes. There's a bit of magic back in Cas' eyes and wonder. "How did you…" Cas shakes his head at Dean, opening his mouth to say something, but nothing comes out. The words get lost between them.

"I don't…I don't know." Castiel is up on his feet and out the door before Dean can process he's gone. He walks by Sam fast not seeing him outside the living room door. Cas is out the front door. Sam walks into the living room where Dean is getting up from the couch. He sees Sam coming in.

"_Dude_, what was that? Did he just heal you? His powers, they're not, _how_, _what_?" Sam cannot understand this, either can Dean. Dean smirks and he nods his head up above him. "Maybe the big guy approves. Maybe it's time to fight, Sammy."

Castiel is outside looking up at the sky. A smile spread across his face. He doesn't speak. He just looks up into the sky, now nearly pitch dark. There's a feeling in him. A strong feeling. It's _hope_. It's his belief back.

"So is god always this pervy? "Dean chuckles as he walks over to Cas. Dean's looking up to the sky, when Cas turns around to look at him. "I'd appreciate next time, you not watching Cas and I making out or anything else. He may be your Angel, but he's the love of my life." Dean looks back down to Cas walking towards him. "And I _guess_ I am his." Cas is biting the bottom of his lip, holding back his massive smile. He nods his head. "All we need now is for it to rain or snow to make this extra cheesy." Dean looks back up to the sky. "Don't even bother. It's perfect the way it is right now."

"I'll try forgive myself. But promise me you, Sam and I will fight. We can't stay here forever. No matter how safe we think we are. We are stronger than them all. We ca-can do it. I know we can. I can't remember wha-what the memory is they took from me, but no matter what it is, we _have_ to find out." They're standing in front of each other, not touching, just their eyes on each other. Dean want's to say _no_. They could die. And then he thinks that's the worst that can happen to them. They die and maybe hell. The three of them have all died before. And what if what their running from could destroy the world. Whatever is planned, it's big. But it's their fight to fight. They saved the world once. It couldn't be as bad as that and if it is well, won't they just have to fight. It's worth dying for. He knows that without knowing.

They could stay here forever without knowing. They could stay and never be able to help anyone again. And _that_ on its own would kill them. It's all they ever do is help people. It's what got them through all the other crap that has happen.

Stay here, safe, and die eventually without trying. Without fightning.

Or leave, run, and do the best they god damn can. And fight, _fight_ with everything they have even if they die themselves.

He would be okay with dying. But, he couldn't live without Sam and Cas. But he couldn't live without trying either.

"Then let's find out. Let's fight. But now _you_ promise me, to never leave me. If I die, find me. If you die, come back to me somehow." It hurt to say it. But Dean had to. He had to know Cas would. Even though he knew he already would.

"I promise. If I can raise you from hell, I can find you again."

"Okay. Now can you kiss me again?" Dean smirks. Cas steps another step closer to him, hands on either side of the side of Dean's neck.

"I can do that too." Dean puts his hands on Cas' back and pulls him in as close as he can. Cas kisses Dean with everything he has. Things feel okay for now. Maybe, _just maybe_, the three of them can really do this. They might run in without knowing, but they will run in fighting, together.

* * *

_**Three days later**_

Cas lies in-between Dean's legs, his back against Dean's chest as he read the book in his hands that is Sam's. He's reading about the history of Angels. Seeing what people think they know. Honestly, a lot of people think angels are well, angels. That they are all good, that they don't make mistakes.

Dean on the other hand isn't reading. His arms are wrapped loosely around Cas' stomach. The back of his head lying against a cushion. He's half asleep. Seeing Cas reading made him tired.

The room is warm and cosy. The fire's lit and Dean's stomach is full after having dinner half an hour ago. Sam had disappeared to his room after that to go on his laptop. Dean didn't bother asking or wanted to know why.

"Humans have an interesting view on Angels." Cas said.

"What that they are dicks?" Dean lets out a tired laugh. That earned him a hit in his side. Dean moaned, too tired to hit Cas back.

"Oww. Okay, they are not all dicks. But what do they know anyways? They just want to believe heaven is better than here. That it's there that makes this life worth it I guess." Dean doesn't open his eyes.

"Did you think that about heaven? Before it all. " Cas asked serious. Dean didn't know how to answer it in a nice way. He opens his eyes; Cas still looks at the book.

"I um…No. Losing a mum, growing up to be a hunter, a dad that didn't care much, having a little brother who didn't have a mum and hardly a dad, will do that to you. Maybe if Mom didn't die, then yes, Cas, I would of." That is the honest truth. Cas puts down the book on the ground and turns his body around to face Dean. He folds his arms over Dean's chest, resting his head there and studies Dean for a second.

"I'm sorry." Dean is lost at Cas' words.

"For what?"

"You're Mom. I don't think I have ever said that to you. If you had had her still am sure you would have had a pretty amazing life with a mom like that." Cas gave a little smile that Dean returned.

"She would have loved you, you know." Dean runs his fingers through Cas' hair. "It wouldn't matter that you're an angel, I just know she would tell me to fight for you and love you."

"I really do love you." Cas moved himself up a little to wrap his arms under Dean's and kisses his cheek.

"Yeah, you're okay to. You're no angel, though. I hear there meant to be pretty perfect." Dean jokes. He tries to hide his smile, but the expression on Cas' face makes him laugh.

"Enough with the angel jokes. You have been telling them none stop the past couple of days. You're mean, Dean."

"You will still love me anyways, so I-" Dean's cut off by Cas' lips on his. "Mmm," Dean kisses back. Minutes passing of teeth hitting, tongues gliding and moans. "Cas…Cas," Cas pulls back a little.

"Don't make me want you more than I already do. My brother is in the next room and I am about to get a boner if you keep that up. And I am too tired." Cas looks disappointed, but understands. "But tomorrow, I promise." Cas nods, giving another kiss to Dean's mouth before lying his head sideways on Dean's chest. He listens to Dean's heart beating as he closes his eyes. He wished he could sleep sometimes. Getting to shut of the thoughts, the world for a few hours, but he didn't have that luxury. But he could lay in Dean's arms, listening to his heart beating, and dream of the things that are peaceful to him.

Dean gives a kiss to the top of Cas' head and lays his head back onto the cushion and closes him eyes. He felt so tired, but so peaceful at the same time. He hadn't felt peaceful in a while, even with what's going on, being here, safe for now and holding an angel in his arms, this moment felt nice.

"I love you, too, Castiel."

When Dean wakes up with Cas still in his arms. He turns his head to see it's dark outside. The fire is still going. Sam must have been in the room to put more sticks on it. He looks at his watch to see it's just after midnight. He lies awake for a few minutes before deciding to get up. He gets up gently trying not to distrust Cas. He might not be asleep, but it doesn't mean angels don't get pretty tired. Dean gets out from under Cas without annoying him. He lies Cas' head down on the cushion. Cas moves onto his side and faces the back of the couch. Dean picks up a blanket from the back of one of the chairs and puts it over Cas.

He leaves him like that and he switches of the light before leaving the room. The only light being from the fire and the hallway now. He makes his way to, Sammy. He's still up because Dean can see him sitting on his bed on his laptop and books open on his bed. Dean knocks on the door and pushes opens the door. Sam looks up at him.

"You're awake then. I Wasn't expecting you and your angel to wake till morning." Sam chuckles.

"One, Cas doesn't sleep. Two, he thinks am the only one with the angel joking thing lately. What you up to?" Dean walks to Sam and stands beside him looking at the laptop.

"Research on the history of Angels. I mean from a long time ago. And anything with them having any involvement with Demons. There's nothing. Expect for a deal. There's this story where a thousand of years ago Demons made a deal with the Angels that if they did something for them the demons wouldn't go near heaven. That they wouldn't cross the line between heaven and hell."

"What does that mean? What Deal? Go near heaven to do what? Wait, Demons can't go into heaven. Just like Angels can't go into hell. It doesn't make sense. Lucifer Is the only one that we know of that has been in heaven and hell. Is it anything to do with him?" Dean's trying to understand this, but he can't.

"Not that I know of. It doesn't say anything about him. But they made the deal and kept to it ever since. So whatever that deal is it could be linked to what's happening now. And big thing or not back then, it must be now if they cleared Cas' memory of it. But why? Why would they do that?" Sam runs his hand through his hair, he is getting tired now. "What did Cas do or say for that to happen?"

"I don't know, dude. It's Cas. It's like he's their kid brother that no one listens to and when he does it's wrong. They're dicks." Dean rubs his eyes before sighing. "Look, get some sleep and we will talk about this with Cas tomorrow, okay?"

"Yeah, sure." Dean's happy Sam agrees and doesn't say _no_.

"Alright, night Sammy." Dean walks over to Sam's door and turns back around. "And don't be reading your books under your duvet with your little light thinking I won't know. I will kick your ass."

"I'm not a kid, Dean."

"No, but I know you still do it. It's lame."

"You're lame." Sam replies with a smile. They say goodnight and Dean goes back into the living room. Cas is still in the same position that Dean left him. Without thinking, Dean puts his arms under Cas' body and lifts him up in his arms and against his chest. Cas' doesn't struggle against him, he just rests his head against Dean's shoulder.

"I could just zap us into bed." Dean lets out a little laugh.

"Your powers aren't that strong yet." Dean starts walking out of the room. "Don't use them on unless things."

Dean gets them into his room and lay's Cas down into bed. He pulls down the covers and helps Cas get under them and pulls them back over him. He walks over to the door and closes it. He pulls the curtains before taking of his trousers and top. He finds another top and throws it over him and then his hoodie. He's about to collapse if he doesn't get into bed soon. He walks back over to the door, switching of the light and walks over to the bed.

When he's in bed he's lying on his side facing Cas, who's lying on his front, his right arm over the pillow with his head lying sideways against it and his other arm lying between he and Dean. His eyes closed.

"I'm going to find those angels who have done this to you. I'll make you happy to be an angel again." Dean whispers. He can't tell if Cas is listening or not, but he needed to say it now.

"I am happy." Cas slowly opens his eyes. Dean wished Cas could sleep. He looks so tired and that he needs sleep. But all he can do is close his eyes and rest. Maybe it's enough for Cas though. He hoped it is. "I'm the happiest I have ever been." Cas find's Dean's hand under the sheets and tangles his fingers through Dean's, bringing their joined hands between them. "Go to sleep, angel."

"Oh now who's doing the angel jokes." Dean sticks out his tongue at Cas.

"Mmm, it's not a joke. It's what humans would be if they were considered angels." Cas smiles before closing his eyes. Dean doesn't say another word and let's Cas rest. He doesn't think too much of what Cas said. Only that Cas being the one calling him an angel is sweet. And it gave Dean a nice feeling when he said it. He's asleep minutes afterwards.

* * *

"I don't know. Not many of us know. All we know is a deal was made a very, _very_ long time ago." Cas said. He didn't know anything about the deal. He knew of it, but not what it is about. It was only ever talked about those thousands of years ago and then never spoken of again. Not to most in Heaven. No one dared to ask about it. So eventually it was just a memory in the back of their minds.

Sam and Dean looked to each other across the table. Cas is sat beside Dean, while Sam is sat across from them. Cas sees the look Dean and Sam exchange to each other. It's an unsure one. Cas just looks back down to his plate, moving the breakfast around with his fork. He didn't know what else to say because he didn't know anymore.

"Hey, don't look like we don't believe you." Dean said. "We believe you. But who knows what else they cleared from your memory." Cas nods his head but he still thinks they don't believe him. He doesn't blame them. Cas had lied a lot to them.

"Why should you both? Believe me I mean." Castiel asked. He looks up from his plate, his eyes meeting Sam's pity eyes. "I betrayed you both more than once."

"I guess that's just what family does for each other." Sam smiles at him. "Of course we believe you. Why is the deal kept such a secret?"

"I guess it must be a pretty big thing, if hardly any of the angels know. I don't even know _which_ ones do know. As for the demons, I don't know either." Cas just seems mad at himself from Sam's point of view. He knew Cas didn't know and that is okay. They would find out. They always do.

"Are you going to eat that?" Dean asked. He nods to Cas' plate. Cas chuckles and shakes his head. He pushes the plate over to Dean. Dean pushes his own empty plate out of the way and digs into Cas'.

"You have a problem." Sam said serious. "Anyways, if the angels don't know, it's not going to be in any book or on the internet. Tomorrow we have to leave here and find a demon or angel. Knowing our luck they will find us first."

"Sam, the chances of getting an angel or demon that knows something, it isn't high." Cas said.

"I know. But even if they don't, they will come after us to find the angel or demon we have and the more that come, the higher chance one of them will know something. They would off had to be told something to come looking for us."

"When did the angels and demons ever need a reason to look for us? We are Heaven and Hells most wanted right now, _probably_." Dean said and puts another forkful of food in his mouth. Cas and Sam had to agree on that with Dean.

* * *

Dean walks into the living room running a towel through his hair. He had just had a shower. He is in his black tracksuit bottoms and his chest bare. He looks to Cas lying on the couch and reading a book. He doesn't hear Dean coming in. He's lost in his own little world.

"Where's Sammy?" Dean asks. He makes Cas jump a little. Dean chuckles and continues to dry his hair. Cas sits up on the couch and puts the book to one side too look to Dean.

"He's um…he's gone into town. He just…he just left." Cas can't help but stare.

"Did he bring his phone with him?" Dean asked. He walks over to the radiator and puts the towel on it. Cas' eyes follow him as he does.

"Yeah. He's going to check the library in case the books there have…anything." Dean nods his head and turns back around and heads out the door without looking to Castiel. Dean stops outside the door and leans against it. He waits for Cas to turn around. He does eventually and Dean's smiling at him.

"I think I promised you something last night." Cas gets up from the couch and walks over to Dean taking his hand and leading them to Dean's room. Neither of them says a word. Once they get into the room and Dean's door is closed, Cas has both his hand on Dean's chest, pushing him backwards to the bed. The want in Dean and Cas' eyes is strong. And the love, it's more than real. The back of Dean's legs hit against the edge of the bed. He falls onto the bed and pulls Cas' body with him. Cas moves his legs to either side of Dean's thighs. He puts both his hands on the back of Dean's neck and rests his forehead against Dean's. Dean lets his hands wander up Cas' back, pulling him a little bit closer. Dean leans his lips to Cas' placing a little kiss on his first. Then again. The kisses last longer each time. Dean moves himself and Cas further up on the bed until his head hits the pillows. Cas leans down with him, chest to chest with Dean. Dean's hands wander to Cas' sides, his fingers gliding gently against them. Cas has to pull his lips away from Dean's to chuckle.

"Dean, that tickles." Dean laughs with him and puts his hands back up Cas' back.

"You are ridiculous. Are you going to laugh the whole way through?" Dean jokes. Cas shakes his head with a smile.

"Just don't do that to my side again." Dean agreed and continues to kiss Cas. Cas brings his hand up to Dean's bare side, running his thumb over the soft skin. Dean grabs the bottom of Cas' shirt and pulls it gently over his head, throwing it onto the ground. They're bare chests now touching each other. It feels good. It feels really good, actually. Cas lets his lips wander down Dean's neck and onto his chest. He kisses down his chest slowly, taking all off Dean in. Dean looks down as Cas does it. He plays with Cas' hair, running his fingers slowly up and down his hair. Cas gets down to Dean's waist, he places a few more kisses before moving his body back up against Dean's. Dean moans a little as he feels Cas move against him.

"Hey, we don't have to go the whole way, okay? Whatever you want." Dean whispers. He pushes the hair of Cas' eyes. Cas leans his forehead against Dean's. He brings his two hands up either side of Dean's head, running his thumbs over Dean's hair.

"Okay. I'm…I am not ready to go the whole way yet, but…I do love you." Cas had to say it. He didn't want Dean to think he wasn't ready because he might think he didn't love him enough too.

"I know. I love you too. Just kiss me you, adorable idiot." Dean chuckles. It's one, long, sweet kiss. When Cas moves away he sits up and pulls of Dean's tracksuit bottoms. The only thing left on him is his boxers. Dean sits up to look at Cas to let him know it was Dean who is going to be the one in charge for tonight. Seeing as Cas had never done this before Dean wanted it to be special for him and to let Dean do most of the work. Cas didn't disagree and lay down on the bed. He let Dean pull of his tracksuit bottoms and his boxers. Cas felt very exposed right now, he didn't know what to think. But it's Dean, he is okay with him. Dean gives that little smirk to Cas as he looks of all of Cas' body, taking in how gorgeous he looks. Dean's next to take of his boxers and well, this is Cas' first time, but all he could think is it didn't matter how Dean looked underneath, he loved him no matter what. But Cas is sure this is what someone would call breath taking.

Dean leans down to Cas, they're lips attached again. Cas moves his body up against Dean's causing them both to gasp. So, Cas does it again. He lets his hands run down Dean's body. They kiss a little longer before Dean decides to move down Cas' body, leaving a trail of kisses down his chest. He plants a kiss to both of the inside of Cas' thighs. Cas is hard, cum already on the tip. Dean licks the top, earning himself a little moan from Cas. Dean's pretty sure Cas is going to be a loud moaner, all the better. Dean takes Cas into his mouth, his hand holding onto the bottom. He takes as much of Cas' cock into his mouth as he can. He begins to bop his head up and down. He puts both his hands on either side of Cas' hips to stop him from pushing up. Dean's slow at first, letting Cas get used to the feeling.

Cas throws his head back, enjoying the warm feel of Dean's mouth around his length. His eyes are closed as he takes in the pleasure. He puts both his hands on top of his forehead, letting them grip into his hair. This feels like the best feeling in the world and he knows there is a more pleasurable feeling than this, but right now, this is what it is.

Dean pulls his mouth up and moves back up Cas' body. Dean takes Cas' hands away from his forehead. His wraps his fingers in Cas'. They're hands held together, either side of Cas' head. Dean leans his head over him. Cas opens his eyes to see Dean staring straight into his. Dean doesn't say a word; he leans down to kiss Cas letting him taste himself for a few seconds.

Dean's back down, Cas' length back in his mouth, as he moves slowly up and down. Dean pulls his hands away from Cas' and rests back onto Cas' hips.

"Dean, it…it feels…mmm…so good." Cas moans. He looks down to Dean, his head moving up and down, it's more of a pleasurable sight. Cas lets his head fall back down onto the pillows before he comes then and there. He's close, very close. Dean reaches his hand down to his own cock that is throbbing. He starts to stroke it; just the sight of Cas and his moans is enough for him to come. Cas pulls away Dean's hand, pulling his body up against him.

"Are you c-close?" Cas says, trying to catch his breath. Dean nods as he leans down and kisses Cas. Cas moves his hand in between them and grabs onto Dean's cock and starts to move his hand up and down, fast.

"Ah, Cas, _Cas_," Dean drops his head against Cas' neck. His moans get louder and louder. Cas let's go and moves his body up against Dean's for their cocks to rub against each other.

"Dean…mmm…I'm about t-to." Dean nods his head to let Cas know he is to. He lifts his head up and rests his forehead against Cas'. Dean rests his hand on Cas' cheek. Both their eyes are open and they plan to keep them open, to see each other come, to see the pleasure in each other's eyes. A few more strokes against each other and Cas comes first. He's moaning loud. That pushes Dean over the edge coming the next second. Dean collapses his body onto Cas. His head falling against Cas'.

Neither move for a few seconds. They just lie there, trying to catch their breath back. Dean rolls of Cas a little while after, looking up at the ceiling. Cas moves his head to the side to see Dean looking up at the ceiling.

"Should have done that sooner." They both start laughing. Dean looks back to Cas nodding. Dean brings his hand up to the back of Cas; head, messing with his hair again. Cas' closes his eyes at the touch. Dean sees how peaceful he looks and wishes Cas could feel that more often. He is pretty sure if Cas could sleep right now he would.

Half an hour later Cas and Dean are cleaned up and back in their clothes. They're sat on the couch with the fire lit. Cas is back to reading his book and Dean is watching some show he has never seen before. It's not keeping him interested.

"I'm bored." Dean says. Cas doesn't even have time to process what he said because the next second Dean is lying over Cas and kissing him. Dean takes the book out of Cas' hand and drops it to the ground.

"Mmm Dean, I was…reading…that." Cas said between kisses. Dean pulls back a little to talk.

"Would you rather read or kiss me?" Dean raised an eyebrow. He knew his answer. Cas smiled, throwing his head back. "You might _like_ reading, but you _love_ me."

"Well, I guess you got me on that one." Cas pulls him back in and kisses him. His tongue enters Dean's mouth as does Dean's in Cas'. The kiss is just getting deeper when they heard the car pull up outside.

"Ahhh, _god damn_ you, Sam." He gives a quick kiss to Cas' lips before getting up. Dean is just up when the front door opens and Sam gets to the living room door. He looks exhausted and his eyes have seen something bad for sure.

"Sam, what is it?" Dean asks concerned. Cas is standing up beside Dean in a flash, looking towards Sam.

"They found us." Sam shakes his head not believing it. Dean can feel his heart racing faster than ever. He looks from Sam's confused face to Cas' terrified one.

* * *

Dean, Sam and Cas are down in the basement. They know what they are to do. They have to do it now, they have to prepare. No one can get into this house but the three of them sure as hell can go out and find these bastards.

"I can't be sure, but we know demons by now to know if it's them or not. There are three of them. And there is two other's with them, they have to be Angels." Sam explains what he saw. "They were at the back of the supermarket. I was down at the back at the freezers and the back door was open and I could hear people talking about them having to find people, I got a little closer without being spotted and I heard them more clearly. One of them said too the othersthat he had sworn he had seen me driving the other day here. It's like they didn't believe him. But one of them said_ then they must be hiding around here somewhere. We need to find them. We each go our own ways and find them before midnight tomorrow._ _We only have one day left to do this. Or there is going to be hell to pay._ And then I got out of there without them following me. I'm sure off it." Sam mostly told Cas the story because Dean is going around loading guns and getting everything they need to kill them. He wouldn't stand still.

"Five. I…how are we going to fight them all off. There could be more." Cas started to feel like this is going to be hopeless. But they had to fight, they _would _fight. Sam agreed though.

"They spilt up, so it won't be as tough. But only one day for what? They must know what it is."

"If they know or not, they are dead sons of bitches." Dean stood still for a second as he put bullets into a gun. "They want us by midnight, fine. They can have us with their heads blowing of." Dean got more furious as the seconds went by.

"Dean, stop." Cas looked to Dean, waiting for him to look back, when he did Cas spoke serious. "There could be angels too. They are my brothers and sisters; they are not dying just because you feel like killing them. They're my family." Dean put his two hands on the table between them. He lets out a humourless laugh.

"You are joking, right? They will kill you if they have too. Family does not do that. They will die before I let them near you. I will put that sword straight through them before I let them hurt you." Dean isn't looking for a reply. He just needs Cas to know, he is not messing around, it's a fact that he would do that, and Cas he knew it. Cas nods his head slowly.

"Just give them a chance. Hear them out."

"Oh, I'll hear them out alright. And then they are dead." Dean forgot about how much Cas loved his family no matter what happened. He felt like hitting, Dean. He felt like crying. He felt like giving up. He didn't want anyone to die.

"Dean, just, go easy, okay? That is Cas' family." Sam tries to get through to him.

"_No_, we are his family. They don't _care_ about him. If they did they wouldn't have cleared that memory for him, they wouldn't be chasing after him. Tell me Sam, how is that his family again?" Cas felt like crying, so he didn't stop the tears from falling.

"If you were really m-my family you would u-understand. But y-you just won't, Dean. Y-you just won't." Cas turns away and goes back up the stairs, slamming the basement door shut after him. Dean looks up to it. Sam's eyes are on Dean. He's disgusted at his brother right now,

"They betrayed him, but he also has betrayed them. Just like us, Dean. Family isn't perfect. Just because they're angels, it doesn't mean they should be better than the rest of us. But you, _you_ need to understand for his sake. We could die tonight and if we do, I am okay with that. I am going to fight with both of you tonight. But we are going to fight, _together_, not apart. We will go down swinging." Sam is making this clear to Dean. He does not want them dying on bad terms. The more they are in this together, the more of a fighting chance they have to fight this.

Cas is outside, just a little distance from the house. He's trying to use his powers, but they are still not strong enough. He uses the axe and swings it at the tree, leaving a mark. He tries to mend it, but it only mends half of it. He gives up and just starts hitting the axe into the tree as hard as he can, over and over again. He needs to let his angry out.

He doesn't seen Dean coming towards him. He looks guilty and sorry. Now he just has to tell Cas that. He sees how pissed Cas is right now. Each swing at the tree gets harder and faster.

"Cas? Bud," Cas gives one more swing before dropping the axe. He doesn't look to Dean; he looks in the opposite direction. If he looks to Dean he will break. Bad or good, he doesn't know yet. He doesn't know what he is feeling. "I'm sorry, okay? I'm sorry for being a dick. I'm sorry for what I say about your family. I don't think sometimes. I just say what I think. And yes, I think your family is a bunch of assholes, which treat you like shit and don't care about you." Cas is over standing beside Dean in a flash and his fist connects with Dean's jaw. He pushes Dean against one of the trees, his face right up in Dean's. His fists holding onto the top of Dean's T-shirt.

"Say that again. Go on, I _dare_ you." Dean has his head resting against the tree. That hit is really sore. He forgot how strong Cas is.

"And you deserve to be cared about. Weather the-they do or not, I don't kno-know. But Sammy and I…we…we do." The pain in his jaw is starting to get worse. But he doesn't care, he deserves it. He just doesn't felt like getting the crap beat out of him either. Dean brings his hand up to rest on the side of Cas' neck. "I'm. sorr-sorry, Cas. I love you." Dean's eyes close with the pain. Cas let's his grip of Dean go and places his hand on Dean's jaw. He hadn't enough power to fix that tree, but if he tries hard enough, if he cares enough, it might just work. It takes a few seconds, but the light between them glows and Dean's jaw heals slowly.

"I'm sorry. I just…it's horrible. I'm tired, Dean. I'm tired; I just want it all…all to stop. I don't want t-to go on like this. I don't want…my family to cast me out." Tears are falling down Cas' face as Dean pulls him into his arms.

"It's okay. It's going to be alright, Cas." That's the thing though. Dean couldn't promise that. Would it really be alright in the end? Would they survive this? There is no happy ending, but maybe somewhere in the middle there's a happy part for a little while.

* * *

They are parked just out the shop where Sam had seen them. They could be still here or they could be gone. It is better to check here first. Castiel is leaned in-between the gap from the passenger's and driver's seat. Dean checks that he still has the holy water in the pocket, inside his coat. Sam is looking out the window making sure no one is around to see anything. They made sure to wait till eight. It's now ten past eight. Sam holds the demon knife in his hand, if he had to kill them without getting answers, he would. And Cas, he holds the Angel sword in his hands, looking down to it. One mistake and it could be Cas that the knife goes through. Once they have everything and no one's around, they are ready.

"Alright, let's kick some ass." Dean said. He said it like it is just another job he and Sam had to do. Just another monster to kill. Sam gives a nod and gets out of the car, closing the door quietly. Dean turns around to face Cas who's looking out the window. He's scared. Dean's scared too. Sam's scared, but they hide it, push it aside. To see Cas scared, after a thousand years living life, through everything he saw, this scares him. Dean knows why, so does Sam. Cas never had this close of a family before. Not even his family in heaven.

"We found a way, when there was no way before. It's the same tonight." Cas moves his eyes to look at Dean's brave ones. Cas nodded slowly, forcing a sad smile. Dean brings his hand to the back of Cas' neck and pulls him in and places a soft, meaningful, kiss to Cas' lips.

* * *

The three of them walk down the alleyway to the back of the shop where Sam had seen them just hours ago. The shop is closed and no one is inside, well any humans anyways. They leaned against the wall, Sam in front, Dean behind him and Castiel behind Dean. Dean drops the chains down beside him as quietly as he can. The closer they get they hear voices speaking. They get a little closer to the edge of the wall and stop before anyone can see them. They try their best to make out what is being said.

"He needs to die, or we do. And I'm not sure about you but I'd rather it be him." An angry voice said. A man's voice. It isn't familiar.

"If we bring him dead, we are dead anyway's. Alive. That's what-"The other man stops talking. Dean pulls out his gun, knowing the demons would laugh at him with it. He just had to get close enough. "I think there may just be an angel around the corner." Cas froze at those words. Dean looked to him; he couldn't bare to see Cas scared. Dean closed his eyes, taking a deep breath and stepped away from the wall. He puts the gun in the back of his trousers.

"Alright, you got us. What do you want?" Dean raised his voice to be heard. The two demons stepped out from behind the wall and stood a few feet away from them. Cas manages to move his feet when Sam moved away from the wall and comes to stand behind Dean.

"That's not a way to say _Hi_, Dean. Didn't your mother teach you to have mangers?" The tallest and what looked like the oldest one said. He laughed at his own words as did the other demon.

"Oh, she did. But she wouldn't want me being nice to demons. I mean, who would be nice to your kind." Dean smirked; he looked like he wasn't scared at all. But underneath the being brave is a scared part of him, wanting to run for his life. He wasn't going to do that.

"True. But the great thing is we don't care." The tall demon looks to Castiel. "Castiel. How nice to see you. Having a nice time with your lover and his brother? Shame it's not going to last." The demon runs towards Cas. Sam steps out and stabs him straight through the leg with the Demon knife. The demon screams in pain. Sam pulls out the knife and through his leg again and deeper.

The other demon goes to attack Dean. Dean takes out the holy water, mixed with salt and throws it at the demons face. "Cas!" Dean shouts. Cas is taking the gun out of the back of Dean's jeans and holding it under the demons chin, ready to shot. The demon laughs and tries to move again. Dean puts the water down his throat. "I wouldn't do that. One shot and you won't be able to move." The demon screams out louder in pain. Sam has the other demon on the ground, a chain wrapped around his body with the devil trap symbol engraved on them. He can't escape. Sam turns him around to lie on his back and pours the holy water down the Demons throat and doesn't stop.

Dean grabs the other chain of the ground quickly and looks back to the demon. "You move, Cas here puts that bullet through your head. Or you come with us and don't die." It's a lie. Of course it is. The demon chokes on the water, blood coming out of his mouth.

"You are lying."

"Well, you can try and run, and you die. Or you come with us and find out." He tries to run, but Cas is too quick for him. He shots the bullet through the demons neck, he falls to the ground. Dean picks up the demon knife and drives it through him, killing him twice. He's dead.

"Bastard," Dean drops the knife back to the ground. He looks at Sam still pouring the water down the demons throat. "Get him in the booth. Cas helps him." Cas does and he and Sam drag the demon to the car. Dean's not far behind them after he picks up the demon, throwing him over his shoulder and picking up the demon knife.

* * *

"Fools! They're going to come for you all. You are no match for us." The demon laughs. He's wrapped up in chains, sitting in a chain on the devils trap back in the basement.

"You'd be surprised. Tell us what deal the Angels and Demons have. Is this what it's all about? This deal." Dean stands in front of the Demon, his arms crossed against his chest. "I'm sure it's not a deal where hell holds a party once a year for you and heaven the next. So go on, enlighten me."

"It's harder, isn't it? When your little angel friend can't remember. Oh am sorry, your boyfriend, lover, whatever he is to you." He says like it's the biggest joke ever. "I don't know what's more funnier, the angel being in love with you or you being in love with a broken angel." Dean grabs the knife of the table and drives it threw the demons leg. He moans in pain. Dean's glad Cas is upstairs right now and not listening to this. Sam had gone up a few minutes ago to check on him. Dean puts his face right in front of the demons.

"Listen to me you, son of a bitch. I can do this forever; I can dream of new ways to torcher you. And you will be begging to die quickly. I will rip you apart so slowly, everything else will be nothing compared to it." Dean pulls away; walking over to the barrel he has stuff on fire in it. He grabs a fire poker of the table and put's the edge of it into the flaming fire, leaving it there.

"They w-will…ahhhh…they will find you. And they will take him, but n-not…mmm…not before killing you both." The demon laughs through the pain. Dean stops what he is doing. "You know who. Now the question is…why?" Dean picks up the fire poker, throwing salt onto it, turning around quickly and driving it through the demons stomach.

"Tell me!" Dean shouts. The demon sips blood onto Dean's face. He drives it in further, twisting it around.

"The deal! The deal!" Dean rips the poker out of his, holding it in his hand ready to drive it through the demon again. "He's the deal! Damn it. That hurts."

"You are lying. He has nothing to do with this." More angry is building up inside of, Dean. He doesn't believe this.

"Believe what you want. It's the truth. You w-want to know w-what the deal is? It's him this time. And y-you knew that."

"What is the deal? Why, what on earth does Cas have to do with it?"

"Lucifer. What happened to him? It's Castiel's turn now. Heaven stays unharmed as long as one angel is casted down to hell. Every 400 hundred years, that is the day, tomorrow." Dean shakes his head, he doesn't believe them. "Hell is for the evil, and Castiel, well, he has done more off his fair share of disgracing heaven. It's _his_ turn now." The demon chuckles, blood pouring from its mouth.

"That's a lie! You wouldn't have told me that easily. There is more to it."

"Fine. You and Sam, if you don't stand down, you both are going to die too. But we all know you two won't so it's you two that are going to die and Castiel, well, let's hope he has as much fun in hell as he did in heaven." Dean picks up the demon knife and drives it through the demon, killing him. He couldn't listen to it anymore. He just couldn't believe it. This couldn't be happening. He wouldn't let it. But how is he going to stop it? If there is a god, how could he have let this happen for so long?

* * *

Dean enters the kitchen, his face and hands covered in blood. He doesn't look to Sam and Cas sat at the table looking at him. He turns on the taps and takes of his shirt that's covered with blood. He leaves on his T-shirt; it's hardly covered with blood. He puts his hands under the water and splashes the cold water onto his face. Blood and water go everywhere. He's cleaning his hands before anyone speaks.

"Dean, what did you do?" Sam asked. He already knew the answer. The screams coming up from the basement told them enough.

"He's dead. He didn't know anything." Dean finishes washing his face and dries himself off with the towel. Sam doesn't believe him. He knew when Dean was lying, but he knew there is a reason for it. His eyes wander over to Cas who's looking at Dean. He's pretty sure it's to do with, Cas.

"Did he tell you _anything_?" Cas asks. He doesn't believe Dean either, but not as much as Sam.

"Yes that they like to have tea parties in hell every year. It's a tradition." Dean snapped. He walks over to the fridge, grabbing a beer. He walks back out of the kitchen and out the front door.

Twenty minutes later Sam is heading out the door in the dark and walking over to the garage. Castiel was going to go instead of Sam, but he convinced him to stay in the house and let him talk to, Dean. Cas wouldn't get anywhere because Dean wasn't going to tell him, not yet anyways.

Sam walks in the side door to the garage and sees Dean sitting on top on the Impala, laying his back against the window. He takes a sip from his beer. He hears Sam coming in.

"Sammy, please, just…just don-don't." He is right then. The demon had told him something. Maybe more than he needed to know. He knows Dean. He knows he wouldn't have killed that demon until he had gotten something out of him. Sam doesn't go to stand beside Dean. He keeps his distance, leaning against the work top. He can only see the side of Dean.

"They're coming for us, Dean. It won't be long till they find out where we are. You have to tell me, _please_." Sam begs Dean. He needs to know. Cas needs to know. If Dean is the only one to know what it is they won't get very far. Sooner or later, Dean is going to have to tell him pretty soon.

"It's unfair. It's unfair tha-that no matter how much good you do in this world…you do one bad thing…just _one_ and the good you did it d-does not matter anymore." Dean takes another sip from his beer. "There isn't a god, Sammy. How could there be? He lets so much bad…so much bad happen. Where is he then?" Sam can't answer that. He doesn't know. He believed there is one. But sometimes, he wondered if there was. "I know. I know what the deal is." That pulled Sam out of his thoughts. He walked towards Dean and stood in front of him. Dean had been crying. He very rarely saw his brother cry, but when he did it was for a very big reason. Dean knew Sam is waiting for an answer. Dean's eyes wander over to look in the direction of the house, his bottom lip quivered. He closed his eyes tightly, forcing tears to fall.

"Cas," Dean whispered. "Cas is the deal."

* * *

Ten minutes later Dean had all explained too, Sam. Sam could have never imagined that would be it.

"Maybe he wasn't telling the-" The look Dean gives him makes him stop talking.

"_Truth_? I'm sure it is, Sam. It's the truth. Cas is going to hell and…I can't think of a damn thing to save him." Sam sat on the side of the car bonnet. His folded arms are held tightly against his chest. He dips his fingers into his arms until it hurts. "They're going to find us, kill you and me…and cast Castiel to hell." Dean says the words, trying to understand it himself. "He won't make it, Sammy. Cas, he…" Dean swallows, a choke coming out straight afterwards. He pulls his knees up to his chest, letting his head fall against his knees, face down. He puts one hand on his head the other left at his side. Neither speaks a word for what feels like forever.

The sound of smashing glass against the wall pulls Sam out of his thoughts. He looks to Dean who is looking to where he threw the bottle at the wall.

"Dean," It's all Sam knows what to say. He doesn't know how to make this better. Dean gets up from the car, he stands up and looks around him. Lost. He doesn't know what he's at. What to do. Or how to save, Cas.

"I…I'll go check on, Cas." Sam gets up and opens the door again. When he steps outside he sees Cas leaning against the wall. He's broken. Sam goes to speak, but Cas shakes his head, and puts his finger up to his own lips to tell Sam to not say a word. Sam nods and moves away from the door to let Cas in. Cas wipes away the tears from his face and heads in. Sam leans against the wall, falling down it until he touches the ground. He can't move.

Dean is sitting on the ground against the wall where the garage door is. Cas walks around the impala and see's Dean sat in the corner, his legs flat in front of him, his hands laid in-between his knees. His eyes are looking towards the dusty ground. Cas can hear the sniffles from Dean. It is the most heart breaking moment Cas has ever faced in his whole life and there is nothing no one could do. They would find him, if not tonight, tomorrow, and cast him to hell. He knew god had too off said for this to happen, for an angel to get cast down to hell. How could he? How could he do this? He couldn't care that it is his turn. But his brothers and sisters over the years, what had they done so wrong? He hadn't even known they were gone. He didn't even know who they were.

Dean knows Cas is there. He knew he must have heard. But he can't look at him. He can't say a word. Cas sits down beside him and lays his head down on Dean's shoulder. He puts his hands over Dean's shaking ones.

"We found a way, when there was no way." Dean smiles at that, Cas using his words against him. "But if we don't find a way, Dean…Just…hold on tight and then when it comes to it…let me go." It broke Cas to say it. He didn't want Dean to let him go. But he didn't have a choice. If he didn't let Cas go, Dean and Sam would end up dying for him. And to Cas, there is no point in that. Either way, Cas will be gone. Dean and Sam need to stay here and too keep protecting the earth. The world needs them, more than Cas does.

"I…I love y-you too much to do that, Cas." Dean let his head fall against the top of Cas'. He doesn't open his eyes. He can't. He can't open them; it can't feel any more real. Dean turns his hands around and tangles his fingers through Cas', he holds on tight.

"I know you do. I can do it, Dean. I can go to hell." Castiel hated the word. He hated the place. He is trying to stay strong, but Dean telling him he loved him, he couldn't hold back the fresh tears. They slowly formed. "As long as I k-know you and Sam are o-okay. As long as I know y-you love me. I'll be okay." He doesn't know that. But what is he meant to say? If he tells Dean he can't face it. That he won't be able to do it, the more he and Sam will fight for him, and he knows that won't end well. But it's not all a lie. Knowing Sam and Dean are okay will make it better.

"How, Cas? How can we be okay w-without you? If you leave…I am n-never going to be okay…not without you. Not with know-knowing…where you are." Dean moves his head slightly, having his lips against Cas' head. He can hear Cas crying. He knows he's not strong enough for hell. And Dean, he isn't strong enough to let Cas go, not yet, not ever. So how is he supposed to let him go this soon? He couldn't let go and walk away. Cas knew he couldn't. Dean knew he couldn't. And Sam knew he couldn't. The only way he could walk away is with Sam and Cas right beside him. "You and Sammy, you two are the o-only family I have left. P-_please_, _please_ don't leave us." Dean is full on crying, choking on his tears. It's the hardest and most he has ever cried. And he can't stop; it's his body not letting him. It's his mind racing with thoughts. It's like that dream is coming through, them losing Cas, only Cas isn't dying, he's going to hell. That is much, _much_ worse. Dying wouldn't hurt compared to being in hell. Hell is dying every day in the worst ways.

Cas doesn't say anything. Nothing would make it better, so he says nothing. He just lifts up his head, putting his arms around Dean's shoulders and pulling him close. Dean falls into Cas' chest, crying. Cas rests his chin on top of Dean's head, crying himself. Tears run fast down his cheeks, as his eyes are closed tight. He needed to block out all out but he couldn't. It is all there. It wouldn't go away, not even for a second.

Sam walks back to the house, feeling weak. He can't let Cas go to help. They need him. He isn't letting Cas go. Something has to be done. The demons and angels could come at any second, but he can't live in fear of that.

When he gets into the house he's straight into the books. Reading anything and everything, that could somehow get Cas out of this. There has to be a way. There just has to be. He throws the book across the room that is in his hands, it slams against the way and falls to the ground. He bangs his fists of the table over and over until he can't anymore.

"Are you happy?!" Sam shouts. He's looking above him, tears running down his face. "How could you let any of this happen? How can people worship you, when you let bad things happen, huh? Doing that to the angels…how could you? You're supposed to forgive! We all do wrong and _what_, you decide what bad people you cast down into the pit." Sam let's himself fall down to sit onto a chair. It's like all his strength has drained from his body. "You aren't the god people think you are. If anybody should be down in hell, it's _you_. You have done more harm than anyone else, so why don't you cast yourself down, because hell, you deserve it, not Cas. Don't you get it, we have saved so many people and all you do is take everyone we love. _How_ is that fair? We are tired, we just want it all to stop. I…I don't know how much more we can take. But I do know if you take Cas, that is Dean and I done. We are done with all the fighting. So you better have someone else lined up to save as many people as we did. Like my brother would say," Sam lets out a heartless laugh. "You, son of a bitch." Sam grabs the glass of whiskey beside him and downs it in one go. He's done. After this fight he's done. He can't do any of it, anymore. He felt _far_ too old, for being _far_ too young.

* * *

Dean's lying on the couch, asleep. Cas had brought him inside. Dean had cried himself asleep while Cas had to tell him it would be okay. He had fallen asleep just half an hour ago. Cas had taken of his boots and throwing a blanket over him and lit the fire. He didn't know what else to do. What could they do?

Cas is stood at the enter of the door. He leans against the open door and looks out into the darkness. He's waiting for them to come. He's not scared anymore. He just wants it over and for Dean and Sam to be okay.

"Cas, Cas," Sam comes rushing out into the hallway. "If it's every 400 years on its day tomorrow and they can't find us, then they can't do it can they? It has to be tomorrow, and if it's not-" Cas cut's Sam off, shaking his head sadly.

"Tomorrow or not, I can still be casted into hell. If they are giving the orders, than it will happen."

"You don't know that. No angels or Demons can get in here, so if we just stay in here until tomorrow is over, we have a chance. Cas, it's the only thing we got. We have to. Please try it, it could work. _Please_." Cas wants to say no, but if he does Sam wouldn't give up and either way it wouldn't work, so he just nods and gives Sam a forced smile.

"Okay. We can try it."

* * *

They get through the night with no Angels or Demons finding them. But Cas has the feeling they are near. He doesn't tell Sam or Dean, he just keeps it to himself. His powers weren't even back fully to work and the only thing he could do with them is half heal something or someone. Cas couldn't fight them, neither could Sam or Dean. They may as well surrender, but surrounding wouldn't do anything to stop this happening.

He hears Dean's footsteps entering the room. Cas doesn't look away from the window. It's bright outside and in a few hours it would be dark again. He didn't know when they would come, but if had to guess, it is at night. A wave hits him and he needs to turn around and look at Dean. He needs to remember him. Not just the way he is, but the way he looks. He needs everything to get him through hell. But he isn't going through it, is he? He's staying there. He's not getting out, he knows that, but Dean doesn't need to know that. He turns around without looking like he is taking in all of Dean before having to say goodbye to him. This time tomorrow, he would never see Dean again.

"Hey, you," Cas smiles, making it look as real as possible. Dean returns the smile. Dean's smile is real, because he really believes Sam's plan is going to work. That Cas is going to be okay. He gives Dean a kiss on the lips, letting it linger. He needed to feel Dean's touch, so bad. Dean happily kisses Cas back. He puts his hand on Cas' back and the other on the side of his neck. Cas let's his hands fall onto Dean's waist, pulling him in closer. Dean moans into the kiss as does Cas. Cas let's Dean's tongue enter his mouth, the feeling gives Cas chills. Dean's tongue glides against Cas'. Cas needs just a little more, he sucks Dean's bottom lip against his teeth. Dean let's a moan that Cas finds really hot. He let's go of Dean's lip and kisses Dean again.

"Are you two at that again?" Sam chuckles. He walks into the kitchen, leaving Cas and Dean alone again. Dean gives another quick kiss to Cas' lips before pulling away slightly to speak. His forehead rests on Cas' and his eyes looks into Cas'. Dean moves his hand around to the back of Cas' neck and let's his fingers play with Cas' hair.

"You know I'd rather you wearing my clothes." Dean said taking his eyes off Cas' for a second to look at his clothes. Cas had put back on the suit and trench coat this morning. "But then again," He looks back to Cas. His lips brush of Cas'. "I have always found you really, _really_ sexy in this." Cas is the one to brush his lips against Dean's this time.

"I love you so, _so much_. Don't _ever_ forget that, okay?" Dean knows why he is saying it like that, but he doesn't want to spoil the moment. He doesn't want to think of what could happen.

"I won't. I love you right back, Cas. I _always_ will." It takes everything in Cas not break at the word _always _and he doesn't. He holds it together. His eyes run over Dean's face, taking in how beautiful he is, how beautiful he always was and always will be. How could he let him go? Cas leans in slowly to capture Dean's lips again with his. Maybe this is the last moment he will ever kiss Dean and maybe it's not. But that feeling inside of him is telling him_ it's nearly over. Almost there._

* * *

They are here. Standing outside the house. He can just about see them with the light coming from the house and the little light that is left in the sky. They see Cas standing at the window, just as clearly as he can see them. There are two angels and two demons and god knows how many more is out there. Cas feels paralysed for a few seconds as he looks to them standing outside. He can't be paralysed, he can't be scared, and he has to be brave and strong.

"Dean…Sam," Cas whispers a little scared. They are both sat on the couch looking through books; they turn to look at Cas. Cas turns around slowly and his eyes tell Dean and Sam what they need to know before Cas' words do.

"They're here." Dean looks anywhere but to Cas. Sam gets up from the couch and walks over to the window. He sees them, waiting. Sam can feel the fear building up inside him, but he stops it, he stops it with being braver.

"Castiel, it's time to come outside. We don't want anyone getting hurt that doesn't need to!" One of the Angels speaks loudly so he can be heard from outside.. It's Joshua. Cas had gotten along with him and now he's waiting outside for Cas to cast him to hell. Cas and Sam don't move away from the window. Dean gets up from the couch, walking over to his brother and Cas. When he is standing beside Cas, he takes his hand in his own.

"He's not going anywhere!" Dean said loud enough for them to hear. And they heard. The Angels don't laugh but the demons do.

"That's where you're wrong." The girl Demon says with a smirk on her face. "If you don't walk outside this house, we will burn it down until you come out. Or you can die in there along with your two best friends and _then_ go to hell. Your choice." Cas goes to move away but Dean doesn't let go of his hand.

"Cas, no. If you go out there you…you might not come back." Cas turns back around to look at Dean's pleading face.

"If it mean's keeping you and Sam safe then that's what I'll do. It's what I will always do, Dean." Cas pulls away from Dean's hand. Dean goes to run after him but Sam pulls him back with all his strength. Cas goes out the door without looking back.

"Cas! Cas, no!" Dean shouts. Cas just walks faster, he can't bare hearing Dean. He opens the front door and walks outside.

"Dean!" Cas hears Sam shout. Cas hears the running footsteps and the calling of his name.

"Cas, don't, don't do this!" Dean can't get outside. He can't move outside the door.

"See anything can go wrong and we are more than prepared for this. We had a witch cast a spell so only Castiel could get out. Why a witch would work with us, you wonder? Well, that's for another day to tell." Joshua proudly said. Cas kept walking as he spoke, he couldn't look back at Dean and Sam. He's now standing in front of the two Angels and two Demons. He's not going to put up a fight, he's going to stand here and let it happen.

"Why, _why_ did you erase that memory? Why was I even told?" Castiel had to know at least that before putting up his hands and surrounding.

"You had to. But then it was a mistake, it was _our_ mistake because we knew then Sam and Dean would find out and try to stop it. There is no way they can stop it, they could just hide you from us. But even that wasn't possible, Castiel." The girl Angel, Lily spoke softly. She is being kind in her voice. The look on her face shows she doesn't want to do it, but she has to follow orders. They all do.

"See, when you and your two hunters were hiding out here, we knew all along." Sam's face falls to confusing as he stands at the door with Dean. Dean continues to try to get Cas to listen to him. "But it wasn't time yet. We had to wait until tonight, until midnight. Sam seeing us at the shop and you finding those other two demons it was all planned. And it worked. You three fell for it. And what that Demon told Dean, he was meant to. And it is the truth." The girl demon smiled, proud of being able to fool Sam, Dean and Castiel. "But there is one thing he forgot to mention. Dean and Sam, _well_," The demon puts her hands up in front her. A few seconds later flames catch onto the house and rise fast. "They don't survive."

Castiel turns back to the house, seeing the flames spreading quickly. "No! No, No, No!" Castiel runs back to the house. He sees the fear on Sam and Dean's face. They have nowhere to run. Castiel is knocked to the ground by one of the demons, the force holding him down. He only has enough strength to life up his head to see them still standing at the door. They know there is nowhere out of this house. It is spreading to quick.

"The basement! Run to the basement!" Castiel shouts as loud as he can over the noise of the flames. It clicks with Sam then, maybe they can survive. The hatch in the basement under the table. He grabs Dean and tries to pull him.

"No, no, Cas! I'm not leaving without you!" Dean screams as he looks towards Cas lying on the ground.

"Dean, go! We will find a way, we always do! I promise! I…I love you! I love you." Castiel whispers the words a second time and even though Dean couldn't hear them he could see Cas saying it. Dean shakes his head as Sam tries to pull him away. Cas can feel himself about to break. "Go." Cas mouths with a teary smile on his face. With every strength in Dean he forces a smile.

"I'll always love you, Cas." It's the last thing he mouths to Cas before he lets Sam pull him away and drag him down to the basement. Castiel is sure his heart is just after breaking in two.

"It's _me_ you want, _not_ them! Please, _please_ let them live. Please!" Cas shouts at the top of his lungs. He still can't get up.

"Whether they do or not, you won't save them. You can't get back through that door." Lily said. She stands in front of Castiel and looks down at him. "I'm sorry. It's our orders."

The next second the two demons are screaming and a bright light shines. Castiel hears a thumb next to him. He moves his head to look and see's the two demons dead on the ground beside him with their eyes burnt out.

"Do not harm him." A voice announces. Castiel pushes himself up from the ground. "He is to not be harm." He looks to see a man, a young man standing walking towards him. It's Matthew, another angel.

"We were told to do this. He has to be cast to hell. We have to see this through, Matthew." Joshua said. He's determined to see this through.

"If you do this Joshua, if you attempt to do this, I will have no choice but to kill you. I bring a messenger from the arch angels. Tonight, Castiel does not die. He shall not die. He is free to leave."

"But the deal. The demons." Lily said. She fears what might happen to heaven.

"It has been sorted." Joshua and Lily now back off knowing that heaven will be safe. Castiel glances back to the burning house.

"Matthew, brother, please stop the fire. I cannot enter and Sam and Dean are in there. Stop it." Matthew looks away from Castiel and to the burning house, he sighs.

"Castiel, you aren't meant to die, tonight. But Sam and Dean, it's there time." Matthew as well as all the other angels know Castiel's relationship with the two brothers. He can't help but felt for Cas.

"What? W-what do you mean there time? Please, get them out!" Cas raises his voice, he isn't listening. He just needs to get into that house.

"You are free to walk in." Matthew makes the fire die down, slowly it fades to nothing. "I'm sorry, Castiel. I had to do my duty to god." Cas is already running into the house before Matthew can finish talking.

"Brother, Sam and Dean, are they-?" Lily asked.

"I'm afraid so. Tonight was they're time, not Castiel's." Matthew watches as Castiel disappears into the house. It's ruined, the whole house is covered in black and smoke. Cas pulls the basement door open and runs down the stairs. His eyes first land on the small window that is broking, pieces of glass everywhere. He gets down the stairs and stops. His eyes fall onto Dean and Sam lying flat out on the ground. Dean's body is laying against Sam's, Dean's head against Sam's feet. Sam lays the same way. His arm is flat against Dean's chest, his other arm across his own chest. Cas moves his eyes slowly from Sam's body to Dean's again. Dean's arm is flat against the ground while his other hand is loosely holding onto Sam's across his chest.

"No, No. Dean, Sam, wake up!" Cas takes those few more steps to them, leaning down on his knees behind their heads. He doesn't know what he's doing, but he puts his hands on both of their heads and he's using any power he has in him to bring them back.

Nothing happens. It's not working. Why isn't anything happening? Why aren't they waking up? They need to.

"Sam…Dean, wake up, please, wake up." Cas is still hoping, hoping for a miracle. He looks above him. "Please, father, please don't let them die, please. I-I need them." And it's then, at that moment Cas knows they aren't coming back. He breaks. He chokes on the tears falling like a water fall from his face. He felts like getting sick. He pulls himself around to Dean's side. He shakes him like it might wake him up. Dean lies lifeless on the ground.

"Dean, D-Dean. It's o-over." Cas searches Dean's face, he needs him too wake up now. "You said…you said y-you wouldn't be o-okay without me. Well, the same g-goes for you and Sam, Dean. Y-you can't leave me. Please, p-please come back to me." Cas shakes Dean a little harder. "Dean!" Cas chokes out. His head falls onto Dean's chest. He puts his hand over Sam's and Dean's. He needs to feel like they are still here, but they are cold, their hands are cold. "I-I need my f-family." Cas shuts his eyes not being able to look at Dean and Sam anymore. Cas can feel himself shaking as he hold on tighter to their hands. "I-I love you both so_, so_… much." Cas grips his other hand with Dean's shirt trying to feel some strength in him, he can't felt anything, nothings there.

"They were never going to stop fighting. They both had to die or one would always be trying to save the other, to bring them back. God wanted this. This was his plan. They had done they're duty. They can rest now. They can be _free_, Castiel." Matthew stands at the bottom of the stairs looking towards a broken, Castiel.

"They w-were too young. How…how could he?" Cas can't even be angry. He's not able to feel it.

"I know. But people, kids, die much younger. We do not question, god. We can only hope he makes the right choices. I'm truly sorry, Castiel."

"Where-where are they, now?" No one can be sure. Not even the angels. Matthew shakes his head slowly.

"I wish I knew, brother. But what I can tell you is they collapsed from the smoke. They weren't in pain for long." Matthew leaves Castiel alone for a while. He needs time. And so he goes outside to where Lily and Joshua are, leaving Cas all along.

Castiel didn't ask Matthew to heal them. He knew he wouldn't. He knew none of the angels would. God had done this and he is the only one who can undo it, but he made his choice. His awful choice. How did he not know how much Cas needed them. He took away the closest family he ever had. And now here Cas lies, with his family, holding on to them, but letting go.

* * *

**One Month Later**

Castiel sits in the Impala on the driver's side as he looks through the box that sits on the passenger's side. Everything Sam and Dean is in that box. Everything else was burn in the fire. There's not much. Old ID'S, four pictures, Johns journal, Dean's mixed tapes. Cas had put one tape in to listen too. He hadn't a clue what band it is, but he listened because Dean liked them. He did recognise the songs though. There is an old history book that Sam always read. And the last two things, Dean's ring and necklace.

He had taken them of Dean before he buried them both. It was Castiels choice what to do with the bodies. So he buried them at Bobby's place around the back. They would off wanted that. It was they're home. And the Impala, it is parked around the back of the burnt down house, where no one can see it, out of sigh, still beside Sam and Dean.

He holds Dean's necklace in his hands. He looks back to the box and takes out the pictures off Mary that Dean had. Jessica's photo with Sam. The Winchester's family photo before Mary passed away. And then the one of Cas, Dean and Sam. They look happy in it. Really happy. Cas put's them into his pocket. He put's Dean's ring and necklace in his pocket as well. He looks over to the mixed tapes in the box, deciding to leave them in the box and that one tape that is playing, too leave it there. Cas grabs the box, turns of the engine, the music cutting off too and shuts the door behind him. He walks over to in-between where Dean and Sam are buried. There's a small whole in the ground. Cas leans down on his knees and places the box into the hole, making sure the lid is closed tight on the box. He starts putting the clay over it, and again, until the hole is covered up and the box can no longer be seen. He runs his over the surface, making it look tidier. He looks to Sam's grave with a smile. There's nothing on it but just a flower, the same as Dean's. He keeps the smile on his face as he looks to Dean's grave.

"Don't say I didn't look after the Impala, okay?" A little part of him still hoped for an answer, an answer he knew he was never going to get.

He pushed himself up from the ground and wiped the clay of his hands. He walked back to the Impala and put the key in the lock and locked it. He took a few steps forward, the keys in his hand. He looked out to the fields and up to the sky and threw the keys as far as he could. He didn't see them land or hear the sound of them hitting the ground. No one should get too drive that car again. It is the Winchesters and only the Winchesters.

Two weeks ago Castiel had gotten his powers fully back. He hadn't used them yet. So, he hadn't returned to Heaven yet either. Since Sam and Dean had died, he had buried them, got their stuff and brought the impala here, too Bobby's. Every day since, he would be here most days, he wasn't able to leave them, until today. He knew he had to leave and return to heaven sometime, but he had just needed time here first.

Time to go.

Cas turns around to look back at the Impala, then to Sam and Dean's graves. The car is parked, their things buried and finally, they are resting side by side. Wherever their souls may be, Castiel prayed they were okay. He would return the odd time to this place, but not as often. His heart says goodbye for now. He turns around and goes back to Heaven.

* * *

When Castiel returns it isn't familiar. He doesn't know what part of Heaven he is in. He walks down the road, the sun shining bright in the sky. He looks around him, fields and fields around him. He gets to a house that isn't familiar. It's a two storey. Beautiful. A fresh green lawn in front. He decides to take a chance and walks up the narrow path to the house. It's the only house in what looks like miles. He pushes the gate open and walks up the stony path. He walks up the steps and stands outside the door. He can't hear any movement or voices coming from inside. He knocks on the door gently and waits for someone to come and let him in.

He waits a few minutes and knocks again, but nobody comes. He turns the nob and pushes the door open. He shuts it quietly behind him. He makes his way into the living room, and then into the kitchen, still nobody is here. No voices can be heard. He makes his way out of the kitchen door and back into the hallway where he finds another door. He opens it up and the sun is shining through when he does. He enters another smaller living room that has door leading to outside. He doesn't even look around him, he just keeps walking. He gets to the door leading outside, pushing down the handles and swinging open the doors. He feels the heat from the sun hit him and the light wind blow towards him. He takes a step outside and that's when he looks around him. It looks exactly like the garden with the kite flying in the memory Cas had keep. He smiles and looks up to the sky, there's no kite flying, but birds are. Cas lets out a little laugh taking in how beautiful it all is.

He hears mumbled voices coming from a small distance that is coming from his right side. He continues to walk, the voices are coming from behind a fence, build up splitting it from the house and beside a garage. It looks like a patio behind the fence, from what little Cas can make out. He makes his way towards the fence and to the entry way at the very bottom to get into the patio. When Cas is close enough he can hear a woman's voice laughing.

"Boy's, can you not leave that alone for five minutes and come and join your mother for some lemonade and a chat." She sounds happy, Cas thinks. Sounds beautiful. Like her voice and laugh could make you instantly happy. A little smile tugged at the corner of Cas' mouth until a little smile appeared. He walks into the entry and see's the woman with her back turned to him as she looks straight in front of her, where a small garage is, and the side door wide open. Cas' eyes wander to the door, but he can't see anything. All he can see is the back of a woman sat at a table, holding onto a glass.

"Alright, alright. I'll come and join you. I can't get him out of there." It's one of the most noticeable voices to Cas. He can't believe it. He couldn't believe it until he saw for himself, even then maybe he still wouldn't be able to believe it, but he would. It's more than possible. He stands and looks to the garage door, waiting. He hears that laugh coming from the garage and footsteps to follow. He appears with a smile on his face. He wipes his hands on a dirty old rage and throws it back behind him. He turns his head back to face in his Mums direction, but they catch onto Cas, who's standing there not in disbelief anymore, he more than believed it. A smile appeared on his face as he started to walk towards him slowly. The woman looks behind her to see what is after shocking him, making him end up standing still, not being able to move.

"Dean," Cas said happily. It's a name he hasn't spoken in a while. And to say it and have Dean alive while he said it, felt like the best feeling in the world, or Heaven or everywhere. When Dean moves, he doesn't move slowly, he runs the distance between them. He nearly jumps into Cas' arms and nearly knocks him to the ground. Cas manages to keep them up, wrapping his arms around Dean tightly as Dean does the same.

"You're here. You're really here." Dean chokes out through his tears of joy. That starts Cas of too. Sam had just come out of the garage and couldn't believe his eyes when he saw who is in Dean's arms.

"_Oh my god_," Sam whispered. He walked towards his Mum who just looked lost.

Dean pulls back a little to see Cas' face. His runs his fingers over Cas' cheek, his eyes connected with Cas' happy ones. "I knew you would fin-find me. I knew it, Cas." Dean leaned in to capture Cas' lips with his. It felt like the first time, it felt like years ago since they last did this. Cas brings his hand up to the back of Dean's head, pulling him in closer, deeping the kiss. Dean smiled so wide against their lips as did Cas.

"Who is that man kissing my son?" Mary looked up to Sam for an answer. She is seriously confused right now. Sam looked away from his brother and Cas and down to meet his mum's eyes.

"Mum, meet Castiel. The angel." Mary put a hand over her mouth in shock. That is really the Castiel she is told about every day. Castiel who looked out for her boy's and fell in love with her son. She felt tear form in her eyes. So many stories about him and now he's right here. She couldn't have felt more happy and grateful right now.

"I love you. I love you _so much_, Dean." Cas is taking all of Dean in right now. He hasn't changed. He's still the Dean he fell in love with. "I-I thought I might of never got to sa-say that again." Cas didn't even feel sad as he said those words, because he is here, he found Dean again. He can believe it. He knows it's real.

"I love you s-so, _so much_ too. I was afraid you wou-would never find me." Dean lets out a sigh of relief. He leans his forehead against Castiels still keeping eye contact. Cas remembers the ring and necklace. He pulls out the necklace and ring from his pocket and holds them between him and Dean. Dean looks down to them.

"Are you proposing, Castiel? I think y-you're a bit too old for me." Dean jokes. Cas hit's him gently in the chest. He gives another kiss to Dean's lips before pulling his lips away from Dean's. He takes Dean's hand in his and slips the ring back on. When he does that he puts the necklace over Dean's neck. Dean brings his hand up to hold the necklace in his hand, happy to have it back. When Dean looks back up Cas they are interrupted by a cough as Sam is trying to get they're attending. Sam's walking over to them when Cas looks over to him.

"I know he's the love of your life, but I am your family and _dude_ I deserve a massive hug." Sam jokes, but he really does want that massive hug.

"Hi Sam," Cas gets to say before he's pulled into Sam's arms. They hug each other the tightest and longest they have ever hugged before.

"I missed you, Cas. Don't _ever_ leave us again." Sam said into Cas' ear. Cas nodded his head.

"Then don't die on me again." Cas thought him saying that would hurt, but how could it when Sam and Dean are right here with him. When Cas and Sam pull away from the hug, there is tears falling sown both their cheeks. They wipe them away with a chuckle.

"Okay, stop breaking my heart you two." Dean let out a chuckle as his heart warmed looking at them both. Mary is the next one to cough and interrupt them. She's walking towards them now. She stops beside Sam and looks to Castiel. He's only ever seen her in pictures and honestly she is far more beautiful in real life. Cas smiles at her, as she does too.

"Mum, I think it's time you meet, Castiel." Dean said. He looks to his mum and back to Cas."Cas, this is our mum, Mary Winchester."

"It's a pleasure, Mrs Winchester. It's hard to believe I am getting to meet you." When he heard so many stories about her, all he wanted to do was to meet her.

"_Oh no_, I sound old with you calling me that. It's Mary. If it's hard to believe you are meeting me, then you really don't know how unbelievable it is to be standing in front of the Angel who protected my boy's all these years." She looked to Dean who is staring at Cas. "And who fell in love with my Son who can't stop staring at you right now." Sam and Mary chuckle.

"_Mum_," Dean looks away from Cas and too her. "Please, don't." He pleads with his eyes for his Mum to not start thinking she has to embarrass him because she didn't get the chance to when he was younger.

"What?" Cas asked a little confused.

"Well, sweetheart, as a mother it's my duty to embarrass Dean to the person he loves. That would be _you_. Plenty of time for that though." She smiles and looks to Sam. "Sammy, help me with some snacks."

"Mum, Cas doesn't eat." Dean said.

"He will eat when he sees the food I make for him. He's a little skinny." She gives a little pat to Cas cheek. Her and Sam head on inside. Dean let's his fall onto Cas' shoulder with a moan. Cas' thinks he understand now about Mary going to embarrassed Dean. Dean looks a little bit embarrassed. Dean lifts his head back up and meets Cas' eyes.

"She's going to tell stories about when I was a kid. She has been telling me stories every day. And they are not cute, Cas." Castiel smiles. He's looking forward to Mary telling him stories about when Dean was little.

"I'm sure they are."

* * *

"Okay, what the hell took you so long? We thought you didn't make it. Or worse gone to hell." Sam asked. He needed so many answers. Castiel hadn't seen Dean at the start when they came to heaven and honestly, he wouldn't off wanted to.

Sam, Cas, and Dean are sat outside at the table. Mary had made them sandwiches, more lemonade and other little snacks that Cas did indeed like. He stops eating and looks away from them for a second, looking up towards the sky.

"I was lost. You were both gone and I just…"Cas trails of and shrugs his shoulders. "I just couldn't leave yet. And I hadn't got my powers back so I wouldn't of been able to return to heaven straight away and when I got them back it still took me time to come back." Sam nods his head, understanding. Cas reached into his pocket and pulled out the pictures. He put them in the middle of the table. "I managed to save these from the fire too." Dean puts his hand onto them, looking at the front one of the three off them. A sad smile appears on his face.

"I'm sorry we left you, Cas." Dean looks up to Cas. "One minute we were trying to get the hatch in the basement opened and then Sammy collapsed and I wasn't long after." Cas gave a nod.

"And I'm sorry I couldn't save you both. No matter how hard I tried, it was never going to be enough to save you two." He looks from Dean too Sam. They know how sorry Cas is, but at the same time there isn't a need to be sorry. It's all okay now.

"I'm just glad you finally came back and found us. It hasn't been the same without you, buddy. Jess won't believe that she's meeting you. She's gone to see her sister, she'll be back soon. And Bobby and Dad should be back soon too." Sam said. Mary comes back with another plate of food in her hand, placing it onto the table and taking a seat.

"So, what did I miss?" She asked, interested to know every single detail. She looks to Cas with a smile on her face. She knows she will never get her head around Castiel. Cas returns the smile. She hasn't aged a day from that picture Dean kept of her.

"Well, not much. But Dean, Cas, seeing as she's the mum, I am sure she is interested how you two meet." Sam chuckles, putting more food on his plate. Cas and Dean look at each other remembering that memory.

"Do tell, boys." Dean looks to his mum with a serious face.

"Long story short, he told me he was an Angel, did his weird thing on Bobby and I may have stabbed him. Oh _and_ I shot him a few times too. Did I do anything else? Dean asks Cas like it's something they talk about every day. Dean is just very amused.

"Dean, _please_ tell me that's not true." She knows it is, but maybe she heard wrong. She looked shocked. The amount of things his Mum didn't know, and wouldn't want to know. But all that mattered to her now is she has her boys back. She couldn't be happier.

* * *

"Cas, I don't think I could of ever…I just, even with my family back there was always one person missing." Dean said. He and Cas are sat on the steps at the front of the house looking up at the dark sky and the stars shining as bright as they could. "Not having you, it just wasn't bearable. You know, before I died, I shut my eyes, falling to the ground, and all I could think of was you." Dean took his eyes away from the night sky and looked to Cas. The outside house lights lit up around them. Cas doesn't look away from the sky yet. "But Sam told me every day you were coming back. He said 'Dude, this is Cas we are talking about. If you think one more time that he isn't coming back, you don't have much faith in him. And he has all the faith in the world in you.' Cas looked to Dean, listening to him carefully. "Sam saying that made me believe you were coming back. No matter how long, you would. You did." Cas moves closer to Dean, their sides touching now. Cas' left hand holding Dean's right one. Cas doesn't take his eyes of Dean.

"You prayed didn't you?" Cas asked, knowing the answer. Dean nods his head.

"Every night. _Every single night_."

"You know if I had heard you I would have come sooner, but prays can't be heard from heaven." Cas had sorry written all over his face. But he knew Dean thought it was okay. Dean let out a little chuckle.

"Heaven. I am actually in heaven. Your home."

"It's your home now too." Cas paused for a second, not knowing to ask Dean the question going around in his head. "How do you feel? I mean from your life on earth to being in heaven." Dean didn't have to think of the answer. The feeling he has felt when he got here is the answer.

"Free. Like all the hurt, the loss, everything just felt like it was never there. But I felt the sadness of not having you. But everything else, Cas-" A little smile pulls at the corner of Dean's mouth. "The feeling was so unreal, it still is. What…what feeling do you have when you are in heaven?"

"I…good, I guess. Knowing people are happy here, finding their family again, it's an amazing feeling and I can feel it. I can feel all that happiness. It's really good to be an Angel sometimes." Cas laughs as Dean's face has _you cocky, son of a bitch _written all over it. Cas kisses him, their lips stay against each other's for a little while, not moving, just enjoying the feeling of their lips again.

"I still don't believe in god, Cas. I just, I don't think I ever will. But it's okay because I believe in you and you are better than any god ever will be to me. No matter what he has done, you are the one that saved me. You are the one who walked into my life and _never_ walked back out." Dean kisses Cas back. When they pull back from each other's lips they smile and turn their heads back up to the sky. Dean wraps his free arm around Cas back and pulls him that little bit closer. Cas leans his head against the side of Dean's.

"So this whole Heaven thing, what's next? Is this how it is up here? Is it like living on earth, only it's here now? Is there something else after Heaven? I have a lot of questions." They both laugh.

"Don't think because you are the love of my life that you will get to know any more than anyone else. All I will say is it's happy here. No hunting, nothing like that. It's peaceful. This part of heaven always is. You will be okay here."

"I believe that. I believe it when you say it. If there's a place even close to perfect, this is it." Cas listened to Dean with his eyes closed. The sound of Dean's voice made him smile. When he looks back up to the stars, even for him, this place, his home, doesn't seem real sometimes. But, it's beautiful. It always has been. And with Dean in heaven, well, it's better than it ever has been. And for Cas, it's a happier place for him. Wherever he would have returned he would always end up here.

Cas lifts back up his head and looks to the sky more clearly. The stars seem so close; it still seems so unreal no matter how long he has been here. Dean sees the wonder and hope in Cas' face. He hadn't seen that in Cas for a very long time and seeing it makes him just have wonder and hope in Cas. Dean places a kiss to the side of Cas' head. When he pulls back a little Cas turns his head back to look at Dean with the most amazing smile and hopeful eyes.

"Till the end, Dean." There is never going to be an end with them, no matter what. Saying that made them both know there could never be an end to them. Saying that made them believe even more that indeed, there is no end for them. The end isn't the end. Dean let out a relief sigh as Cas searched him with his eyes. Cas could see the most hope in Dean's eyes that had ever been there.

Heaven is a mystery. You don't know for sure if there is one until you die. Is it just a story? How could everyone fit up there? Do you get to see your loved ones again? What does it look like? Is it a happy place? Is there anywhere after Heaven?

It's a story. It's a story so many people believe. Why do so many believe it? Maybe because we need too. Maybe because we need to know when we die it isn't the end. Maybe because we need to know our loved ones are in a better place. Maybe because we all need a better place to be. We need to feel _okay_. That we need to feel when there is no hope anymore, there will always be hope. There will always be wonder and hope wherever we go.

"Till the end, Cas."

* * *

_I cannot say how much I love writing my Supernatural stories. They are so enjoyable to write and this story turned out right!_

_Yes I am sorry I killed of Sam and Dean, BUT it was the right thing too do to make this story just how I needed it to be._

_The biggest THANK YOU ever goes to a WONDERFUL Johanna Lehtomaki (IfSo) for looking over this story for me and making me better at writing. You made writing this story EXTRA SPECIAL and I can not say thank you enough times! You are an Angel!_

_Another Supernatural story that I loved writing is 'A little bit in love' check it out if you would like. It's human Cas, and yes it's cheesy haha_

_So drop a review, favorite, whatever you like. Just thank you for taking the time too read this story, it means the world. And letting me know what you thought and if there is anything you really liked in the story, I will be even more grateful :) And one last thing, with Cas and Dean talking about Heaven and wondering what's next after it all. What do you guy's think about that? If you were there with Cas and Dean what would you say about it all? _

_**When there was no way, we found a way**_


End file.
